Why Women Are The Worst Kind of Bullies

www.StandUpToBullying.net 802-362-5448 Scroll Down for information regarding:  Bystanders Choice #4: Should Bystanders Tell an Adult?

Why Women Are The Worst Kind of Bullies Ruchika Tulshyan, Contributor Women can be nastier bullies than men, at the workplace. What’s the best way to deal?    A Bully Free Zone sign - School in Berea, Ohio (Photo credit: Wikipedia) When Lady Gaga declared her hero was Emily-Anne, the 18-year-old pioneer of WeStopHate.org against teen bullying, I could completely identify. I had a flashback to my traumatic adolescent years. The memories alone made me feel like Emily-Anne could be my hero too. However, I didn’t expect bullying to be so prevalent at the workplace. Adults are facing it pretty tough, with woman-on-woman harassment on the rise. Thirty-five percent of Americans reported being bullied at work, according to a 2010 survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute. Women make much nastier office bullies than men, says psychologist Dr. Gary Namie, co-founder of the Institute. Workplace bullying is four times more common than sexual harassment and racial discrimination, found the same study. Girls are taught to be critical about each other from adolescence, and it’s particularly vicious among working women; from playing favourites to badmouthing colleagues. Common careers where women face bullying? Law, finance or any other job where “women feel the need to be hyper-aggressive to get ahead in a male-dominated environment,” says Dr. Namie. Debra Falzoi, a communications coordinator who was terrorized by a female boss at a Boston University, says: “My female bully lied and gossiped about me and others. She used all indirect tactics. I have seen men also use indirect bullying tactics, but they’re much less frequent, and they have seemed solely to protect their ego rather than proactive moves to sabotage. Falzoi eventually quit her job after reporting the harassment. Her boss did nothing, despite multiple complaints against the same woman. Samantha Brick, a British journalist, wrote a story titled: ‘There are downsides to looking this pretty’: Why women hate me for being beautiful. ‘ It went viral, supplemented by comments questioning her beauty. Some readers even called her “ugly as a troll.” I’m not going to debate her story, but I thought the Financial Times Weekend published the best response to the media maelstrom. The controversy showed how women sabotage the careers of other women by being unsupportive, it said. The columnist highlighted “rope ladders,” where women climb to senior positions, then promptly haul up the ladder right behind them. While some tactically avoid helping other women in their careers, others can resort to passive-agressive behavior to protect their interests. “Women bullies will often befriend you and then air all your secrets later, in boardrooms or at office gatherings. I’ve had patients that just can’t trust again after being humiliated like that at work,” says Dr. Namie. The problem persists, as there are no anti-bullying ethics or law in practice, unlike legal protection against sexual harassment or racial discrimination. Less than one percent of co-workers will stand up when they see their colleagues tormented, fearing their own jobs. There’s only one truly effective way to report workplace bullying: treat it like a business problem. Dr. Namie says: “Report to your superiors and make it a business case on how the bully is affecting your productivity and driving up absenteeism. The minute you talk about how emotionally traumatized you are, you’re unlikely to get any help.” Your managers could brush it off by saying it’s a cultural difference or clash of ideas, he says. Follow your instincts if you think you’re in a hostile work environment, and report it the right way. The only time when you should leave your job without making a case is if you work in a small family-run business, according to him. Have you ever been bullied at work? Is there a difference between male and female bullies, in your experience?

802-362-5448 Now Scheduling for Fall 2014 Student, Staff, Parent Workshops Staff Professional Development Workplace Bullying and Harassment Providing dynamic and practical anti-bullying workshops to students, staff and parents, Mike Dreiblatt teaches realistic bullying prevention strategies and best practices that can be used immediately to STOP bullying. Bullying Prevention PSAs!!! Mike In Action - Youtube Clips!!! Definition of Bullying Verbal Bullying Physical Bullying Types of Bullying Forgive Yourself Bystanders -- The Crowd Bystanders Responsibilities Ways to Stop Bullying How to Respond to a Verbal Bullying Teasing vs. Taunting How Teachers Can Stop Bullying 802-362-5448 BULLYING PREVENTION BOOKS, DVDS, AND POSTERS These bullying prevention resources will help students, parents, teachers and staff  Stand Up, Stand Strong and Stand Together against bullying. Shipping and handling is included on all orders. DVD Books Poster

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. — Martin Luther King, Jr. Bystanders Choice #4: Should Bystanders Tell an Adult? Sometimes a bystander will witness or know about bullying but not feel safe or think it wise to get directly involved. That's why, like any responsible adult, a bystander has to go to a greater authority for assistance.  It's a variation of "If you see something, say something" advertised in many mass transit hubs.  In this case, it's the local community.  "But is that tattling?"  Nope.  It's helping! PLEASE SHARE AND DISCUSS WITH KIDS. AND POST TO FACEBOOK, TWITTER, ETC. Thanks for supporting PAVE by sharing the videos  PAVE and Steve’s Bully Prevention Strategy Videos: 1.     Bullying Defined (1) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OkJAuL-24o&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=1 2.   Ignoring the Bully (2) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6FoF1jSPnA&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=2 3.   Walking Away from the Bully (3) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImIINtR0nuU&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=3 4.     Telling the Bully to "Stop" (4) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstonehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rlrcds88x5g&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=4 5. Talk to a Trusted Adult (5) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVK_v9CD5h8&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=5 6. Teasing vs. Taunting (6) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstonehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8oYrlNijVc&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=6 7. Making Friends (7) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkqmGXaC-Jc 8. Bystanders: Tell the Bully to Stop (8) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zQ_VMOMMHI 9. Bystanders: Separate the Bully from the Person being Bullied (9) How to Stop Bullying w/ Breakstonehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnJ842nNstE 10.Bystander: Separate the Person Being Bullied Away From the Bully (10) How to Stop Bullying https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM5ja-eSS4E 11. Bystanders: Report to a Trusted Adult (11) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression w/ Breakstonehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIZiR69wcH4

©2014 www.StandUpToBullying.net | Info@StandUpToBullying.net 802-362-5448 -- 136 Clover Lane Manchester Center Vermont 05255

Apps don’t bully people, people bully people

www.StandUpToBullying.net 802-362-5448 Scroll Down for information regarding: Tattling vs. Telling: Helping Bystanders of Bullying Determine When to Get Help Apps don’t bully people, people bully people Cyberbullying is bad enough when you know who is doing the bullying - but now new apps are concealing the source Secret, a six-week-old social app, connects people anonymously, but there are fears that it could lead to cyberbullying. Photograph: Mike Segar/Reuters Mon, Mar 24, 2014, 13:33 First published:Mon, Mar 24, 2014, 12:38 Silicon Valley sometimes feels like high school. It has its alpha types and its outcasts, its bullies and its bullied. That, anyway, is one takeaway from the recent flap over Secret, a six-week-old social app that connects people anonymously. Secret has apparently put the Valley in touch with its inner 10th-grader and become an online schoolyard for all manner of gossips and trolls inside the technology industry. The blowback has been swift. Veronica Belmont, a video host and technology writer, promptly hung up on the app. “Deleted the app Secret,” Belmont wrote in early February. Aaron Durand, a photographer, soon followed. “It’s not me, it’s you,” Durand tweeted a few days later. Many others followed suit. “I don’t need that kind of hate in my life,” one entrepreneur told me. “It’s like high school all over again.” If this is what happens in the temples of American technology, think what will happen when Secret and similar apps hit real high schools and middle schools. Parents, you have been warned. The founders of Secret, Chrys Bader-Wechseler and David Byttow, told me they saw the potential pitfalls and were trying to find ways to prevent cyberbullying over their app before it reached youngsters. They said Secret was supposed to help people, not hurt them. And yet the dangers of these types of apps are clear. Cyberbullying is bad enough when you know who is doing the bullying. It can be even worse when the source is cloaked by design. Last year, nine teenagers’ suicides were linked to bullying onAsk.fm, a website that lets people ask questions and leave comments anonymously. The issue became so severe that Ask.fm hired Mishcon de Reya, a law firm based in London, to conduct an independent review of the site. That, in turn, prompted Ask.fm, which is based in Latvia, to create tools that give users the ability to turn off questions from anonymous users, block unwanted users and report offensive content. Ilja Terebin, chief executive of Ask.fm, said the company was aware of the challenges but that young people needed places to express their views privately. “On one hand, we have to deliver a value for our users, which includes free speech and uninhibited communication,” Terebin said. “On the other hand, we must ensure that the most vulnerable groups of our users receive sound support and protection.” But how can we offer people - adults and teenagers alike - anonymity without encouraging bad behavior? A lot of experiments are underway. A new social app called Facefeed lets people share photos, but it only allows people to discuss the photos in a private message. Shots, a social app for selfies, has left out a comment system altogether. “With comments, kids can be humiliated in front of a large audience,” said John Shahidi, a founder of Shots. Yik Yak, which is similar to Secret and lets people post anonymously to their friends, said last week that it was banning middle and high school students and that it would disable the service around schools. Yik Yak has reportedly been used to taunt students and make bomb threats, raising concern among school authorities. Susan Opferman, the principal of Webb Bridge Middle School in Alpharetta., Ga., recently warned parents in a letter: “Yik Yak posts can be especially vicious and hurtful, since there is no way to trace their source.” To reduce negative comments, Secret has said that it is adding features that detect when people’s names are typed into messages and warn those who would include them to “think before they post.” Users also have the ability to ban those who trash-talk others. “The majority of the content on the app is positive and friendly,” said Bader-Wechseler, who oversees product design at Secret. “We have to be realistic. We’re living in a world that is not a utopia, and we need to make sure we’re taking all the right steps to make sure that the good outweighs the evil.” For now, Bader-Wechseler said, the company is learning what not to do when the app does fall into the hands of children. But it’s unclear if the app has already been infused with the DNA of bullies and those bullied. And, if so, if it’s possible to change that. I asked Terebin at Ask.fm if he had any advice for Secret and other apps that allow anonymous posts. He said these services should build moderating systems and empower users to report bad behavior. “This means that companies must invest in their safety protocols from the very beginning,” Terebin said. Is this happening in your school? 802-362-5448 Now Scheduling for Fall 2014 Student, Staff, Parent Workshops Staff Professional Development Workplace Bullying and Harassment Providing dynamic and practical anti-bullying workshops to students, staff and parents, Mike Dreiblatt teaches realistic bullying prevention strategies and best practices that can be used immediately to STOP bullying. Bullying Prevention PSAs!!! Mike In Action - Youtube Clips!!! Definition of Bullying Verbal Bullying Physical Bullying Types of Bullying Forgive Yourself Bystanders -- The Crowd Bystanders Responsibilities Ways to Stop Bullying How to Respond to a Verbal Bullying Teasing vs. Taunting How Teachers Can Stop Bullying 802-362-5448 BULLYING PREVENTION BOOKS, DVDS, AND POSTERS These bullying prevention resources will help students, parents, teachers and staff  Stand Up, Stand Strong and Stand Together against bullying. Shipping and handling is included on all orders. DVD Books Poster He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. — Martin Luther King, Jr. Tattling vs. Telling: Helping Bystanders of Bullying Determine When to Get Help If a target or a bystander of bullying chooses to talk to a trusted adult about bullying or dangerous behavior they know about, she/he might consider that tattling.  This video shares ideas and scenarios on how a person can determine if talking to an adult is the responsible thing to do to be helpful or just tattling to get someone in trouble. Tattling vs Telling (12) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUXDRBxY3Gs This video is also posted at the PAVE site: http://pavebennington.org/resources/pave-videos-prevent-violence/tattling-vs-telling-12/ PLEASE SHARE AND DISCUSS WITH KIDS. AND POST TO FACEBOOK, TWITTER, ETC. Thanks for supporting PAVE by sharing the videos  PAVE and Steve’s Bully Prevention Strategy Videos: 1.     Bullying Defined (1) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OkJAuL-24o&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=1 2.   Ignoring the Bully (2) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6FoF1jSPnA&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=2 3.   Walking Away from the Bully (3) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImIINtR0nuU&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=3 4.     Telling the Bully to "Stop" (4) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rlrcds88x5g&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=4 5. Talk to a Trusted Adult (5) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVK_v9CD5h8&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=5 6. Teasing vs. Taunting (6) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8oYrlNijVc&list=PLHIRJnXJQ8i0f0A3Ya5m7sY-1PtYp8ox1&index=6 7. Making Friends (7) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkqmGXaC-Jc 8. Bystanders: Tell the Bully to Stop (8) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Breakstone  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zQ_VMOMMHI 9. Bystanders: Separate the Bully from the Person being Bullied (9) How to Stop Bullying w/ Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnJ842nNstE 10.Bystander: Separate the Person Being Bullied Away From the Bully (10) How to Stop Bullying  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM5ja-eSS4E 11. Bystanders: Report to a Trusted Adult (11) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression w/ Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIZiR69wcH4 12. Tattling vs Telling (12) How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression with Steve Breakstone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUXDRBxY3Gs ©2014 www.StandUpToBullying.net | Info@StandUpToBullying.net 802-362-5448 -- 136 Clover Lane Manchester Center Vermont 05255