Another kid is bullying your child on the playground.
Should you butt in? Not immediately, unless your child's safety is at stake. "If you're there, watch closely and give your child a chance to solve the problem on her own," says DeBroff.
The same goes for school: It's better first to equip your child with skills to stay safe and empower her to resolve the situation on her own. Realism: Good old-fashioned playtime
How to handle it: Rehearse ways for your child to respond. For example, if your child has a sense of humor, she can use a retort like "No, I'm not a baby, but thanks for asking," spoken in an assertive tone of voice. Otherwise, she can employ a strong "Cut it out" before walking away.
"Have her practice standing up straight, chest out, like she's wearing a bulletproof vest that taunts bounce right off of," says Borba.
When to reconsider: If the bullying persists and your child feels threatened, get involved. If you are the one intervening on the playground, nonchalantly pull your child out of the situation (snack time!) before discussing it. Talking to her in front of the bully could be more embarrassing.
If the bullying is at school, ask a teacher to keep an eye out. Most schools take bullying seriously -- 39 states have laws addressing it -- so teachers should have practices in place. To learn more, check out StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov, which has suggestions for both parents and kids.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
“Operation Columbine”
Jurors in Hillsborough, North Carolina will resume deliberations Friday morning in the murder and assault trial of Alvaro Castillo. Castillo, now 21, is charged with shooting his father, Rafael, 65, several times in the head then driving to his former high school and opening fire on students, injuring two.
On Thursday, the jury of six men and six women heard more than four hours of closing arguments from the attorneys. At the end of the day, jurors deliberated for half an hour before being sent home. The jury foreperson is a man who used to work in a state crime lab.
Closing arguments focused on Castillo’s state of mind on August 30, 2006, the day of the shootings. Castillo, then 18, was mentally ill and had been treated for depression since a suicide attempt four months earlier. He admits that he committed the acts he’s charged with but says he should not be held criminally responsible. At trial, critical evidence introduced by the prosecution included eight hours of videos he recorded between April and August 2006 and his diary from 2006, all of which gave mental health professionals unique insight into Castillo’s thought processes and mental disorders.
On Thursday, the jury of six men and six women heard more than four hours of closing arguments from the attorneys. At the end of the day, jurors deliberated for half an hour before being sent home. The jury foreperson is a man who used to work in a state crime lab.
Closing arguments focused on Castillo’s state of mind on August 30, 2006, the day of the shootings. Castillo, then 18, was mentally ill and had been treated for depression since a suicide attempt four months earlier. He admits that he committed the acts he’s charged with but says he should not be held criminally responsible. At trial, critical evidence introduced by the prosecution included eight hours of videos he recorded between April and August 2006 and his diary from 2006, all of which gave mental health professionals unique insight into Castillo’s thought processes and mental disorders.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Missouri woman charged in cyber-bully case
A Missouri woman is accused of cyber-bullying for allegedly posting photos and personal information of a teenage girl on the "casual encounters" section of Craigslist after an Internet argument.Prosecutors said Elizabeth A. Thrasher put the 17-year-old's picture, e-mail address and cellphone number on the website in a posting that suggested the girl was seeking a sexual encounter.St. Charles County police said the victim was the daughter of Thrasher's ex-husband's girlfriend. The girl received lewd messages and photographs from men she didn't know and contacted police.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Standing Up to a Bully
If your child is verbally bullied, teach him or her how to respond effectively. Discuss the following strategies with your child. Practicing the strategies with you or another trusted adult will help develop the confidence to end the bullying. If the bullying is happening at school, speak to your child's classroom teacher or advisor so they can help.
Ignore the Bully
Teach your child to ignore the bully. Your child should not make faces, cry, sigh, or make any gesture signaling distress. Often, when bullies don't get a reaction, they stop.
Walk Away
Your child can choose to walk away in a confident manner - head up, back straight and with a normal walking pace. Your child needs to be aware of being followed and walk to a safer place, usually near adults. If the bully says mean things, continue to ignore and walk away.
Tell the Bully to "Stop"
Ignore the Bully
Teach your child to ignore the bully. Your child should not make faces, cry, sigh, or make any gesture signaling distress. Often, when bullies don't get a reaction, they stop.
Walk Away
Your child can choose to walk away in a confident manner - head up, back straight and with a normal walking pace. Your child needs to be aware of being followed and walk to a safer place, usually near adults. If the bully says mean things, continue to ignore and walk away.
Tell the Bully to "Stop"
Keeping a distance of 1½ to 2 arm lengths, have your child say, "Stop!" or, "Cut it out!" Teach your child to:
Make eye contact.
Express confident body language; head up, back straight, arms down in front or on the side of the body and feet at shoulder width. No fidgeting!
Speak clearly - a steady tone, not too loud, too soft, whiny or sarcastic.
Make short statements such as, "Stop!" or "Cut it out!"
Then turn and walk away.
Go to a Trusted Adult
When other strategies fail, or there is immediate danger, tell your child to go to a trusted adult. This is not tattling; this is requesting assistance with a serious problem.
©2008 http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=4cd8vqcab.0.0.jt48c7bab.0&ts=S0361&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.balanceeducationalservices.com%2F&id=preview Permission is granted to use this article.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
How to respond if you're in a cyber-fight
Email or IM the following:
"I really don't want to talk about this online."
"I think it's easier to talk about this over the phone or in person."
"Can I call you right now? (or, "Can we talk tomorrow at school at [suggested time]?").
If the other person continues the fight, log off.
What to do if you are being cyber-bullied
People who cyber bully do so because it makes them feel powerful. Anything you can do to give the impression that you are not bothered will make it less satisfying for the cyber-bully. For example:
Turn off your computer or cell phone -- Being ignored gets boring for the bully.
Block mean messages -- 71% of teens think that blocking abusive messages is the most effeective way to prevent cyber-bullying. ISPs, email programs and social network programs have information about blocking messages.
Don't respond or cyber-bully back -- You don't have to be a doormat, but don't be provoked into retaliating because that is exactly what the bully wants. Don't play their game!
Talk to an adult you trust -- Let them know what you need them to do (and not do) to put a stop to the bullying. It's also a good idea to try and tell the people that you live with. Being bullied can cause changes in your behavior that will worry them. If they know what's going on, they'll be more understanding.
Print it out or save it -- If you're receiving bullying messages of any kind, print them out or save them. You, and the adults in your life, may want the evidence if you ever decide to take action against a cyber-bully.
Address your feelings -- Being bullied can feel really bad. Talk to a friend or trusted adult, write out your feelings in a journal, express your feelings through art, music or creative writing.
Participate in activities that you are good at and make you feel good -- Being bullied is upsetting. Being involved in activities you enjoy can help cancel out the way the cyber-bully makes you feel.
Post how you respond to a cyber-fight.
Remember to go to www.BalanceEducationalSevices.com for more bullying prevention ideas.
"I really don't want to talk about this online."
"I think it's easier to talk about this over the phone or in person."
"Can I call you right now? (or, "Can we talk tomorrow at school at [suggested time]?").
If the other person continues the fight, log off.
What to do if you are being cyber-bullied
People who cyber bully do so because it makes them feel powerful. Anything you can do to give the impression that you are not bothered will make it less satisfying for the cyber-bully. For example:
Turn off your computer or cell phone -- Being ignored gets boring for the bully.
Block mean messages -- 71% of teens think that blocking abusive messages is the most effeective way to prevent cyber-bullying. ISPs, email programs and social network programs have information about blocking messages.
Don't respond or cyber-bully back -- You don't have to be a doormat, but don't be provoked into retaliating because that is exactly what the bully wants. Don't play their game!
Talk to an adult you trust -- Let them know what you need them to do (and not do) to put a stop to the bullying. It's also a good idea to try and tell the people that you live with. Being bullied can cause changes in your behavior that will worry them. If they know what's going on, they'll be more understanding.
Print it out or save it -- If you're receiving bullying messages of any kind, print them out or save them. You, and the adults in your life, may want the evidence if you ever decide to take action against a cyber-bully.
Address your feelings -- Being bullied can feel really bad. Talk to a friend or trusted adult, write out your feelings in a journal, express your feelings through art, music or creative writing.
Participate in activities that you are good at and make you feel good -- Being bullied is upsetting. Being involved in activities you enjoy can help cancel out the way the cyber-bully makes you feel.
Post how you respond to a cyber-fight.
Remember to go to www.BalanceEducationalSevices.com for more bullying prevention ideas.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Teaching Empathy
Empathy is the ability to feel what others are feeling. Empathy is the identification with, and the understanding of, another's situation, emotions and motives. In other words, it is the ability to see the world through that person's eyes. Empathy influences us to treat others with respect and kindness; in turn it reduces violence and cruelty to others.
Most people are born with the ability to be empathetic. However, certain life experience can diminish that ability. Children who have experienced domestic violence or some other form of abuse are especially at-risk for diminished empathy.
Research supports the provision of empathy training to increase empathetic feelings and pro-social behavior. Research also shows an impressive correlation between students' training and skills in empathetic understanding and their academic performance.
Click Here for Empathy Lesson Plans!
Most people are born with the ability to be empathetic. However, certain life experience can diminish that ability. Children who have experienced domestic violence or some other form of abuse are especially at-risk for diminished empathy.
Research supports the provision of empathy training to increase empathetic feelings and pro-social behavior. Research also shows an impressive correlation between students' training and skills in empathetic understanding and their academic performance.
Click Here for Empathy Lesson Plans!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Working with the Bullied Child
Research has revealed common characteristics and profiles among students who are repeatedly bullied. One group is referred to as passive (a.k.a. submissive) victims, another as provocative victims. Clarifying the behaviors of a student who is repeatedly bullied can lead to strategies that reduce victimization.
Passive victims signal, through attitude and behaviors, that they are insecure and will not respond strongly if bullied. They are often:
Provocative victims express behaviors that often irritate others and incite negative reactions. They often:
-Have poor social skills -- appear to instigate the bullying
-Are hyperactive, restless, and have difficulty concentrating
-Are clumsy, immature, and exhibit irritating habits
-Do not develop strong friendships
-Are hot-tempered and attempt to fight back, ineffectively and sometimes entertainingly, when victimized
-Pick on smaller kids
If the bullied child has traits familiar to either list, altering their behavior may help reduce further bullying and develop self-esteem, resiliency and empowerment - qualities that will limit further victimization.For instance, teach passive victims to respond assertively to bullies with details that include specific language and how to express confident body language, eye contact, and tone of voice. These students will also need to practice social skills and learn activities appreciated by peers.
Provocative victims also need to learn age appropriate skills. They will need help from a caring adult to become aware of behaviors that generate negative reactions from others. They may also need help with emotional management techniques.
Social skills training should be incorporated into behavior plans, classroom lessons, and IEPs (Individualized Education Plans).
Although some behaviors do perpetuate bullying, no one ever deserves to be bullied!
For more information and other bully prevention strategies, contact Balance Educational Services 1-802-362-5448 © 2008 www.BalanceEducationalServices.com
Passive victims signal, through attitude and behaviors, that they are insecure and will not respond strongly if bullied. They are often:
-Physically weaker than others their age
-Afraid of being hurt, have poor physical coordination and don't do well in sports
-Have poor social skills and have difficulty making friends
-Are cautious, sensitive, quiet, withdrawn and shy
-Are anxious, insecure, and cry or become upset easily
-Have poor self-esteem
-Have difficulty standing up for or defending themselves, physically and verbally
Provocative victims express behaviors that often irritate others and incite negative reactions. They often:
-Have poor social skills -- appear to instigate the bullying
-Are hyperactive, restless, and have difficulty concentrating
-Are clumsy, immature, and exhibit irritating habits
-Do not develop strong friendships
-Are hot-tempered and attempt to fight back, ineffectively and sometimes entertainingly, when victimized
-Pick on smaller kids
If the bullied child has traits familiar to either list, altering their behavior may help reduce further bullying and develop self-esteem, resiliency and empowerment - qualities that will limit further victimization.For instance, teach passive victims to respond assertively to bullies with details that include specific language and how to express confident body language, eye contact, and tone of voice. These students will also need to practice social skills and learn activities appreciated by peers.
Provocative victims also need to learn age appropriate skills. They will need help from a caring adult to become aware of behaviors that generate negative reactions from others. They may also need help with emotional management techniques.
Social skills training should be incorporated into behavior plans, classroom lessons, and IEPs (Individualized Education Plans).
Although some behaviors do perpetuate bullying, no one ever deserves to be bullied!
For more information and other bully prevention strategies, contact Balance Educational Services 1-802-362-5448 © 2008 www.BalanceEducationalServices.com
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