Celebrities Who Admit Bullying Help Prevent Bullying (or Celebrities Who Were Bullied, Part 2)

Bullying is a hot topic. Stories of celebrities who have been bullied are even hotter. Olympic champ Michael Phelps’ childhood bullying issues had international interest. Even Barack Obama got in on it, mentioning the issue of bullying in his presidential nominee acceptance speech (I know, he’s not a celebrity, just a politician). Why are people fascinated with discovering famous people who were bullied?

Do people who have been bullied want to know who else shared their fate, i.e., misery loves company? Or maybe it’s nice to know that someone successful had been beaten down and yet rose beyond the experience. In other words, maybe if you were bullied you really can have the last laugh. Or maybe we just love gossip and it fulfills a voyeuristic tendency to hear another tidbit about a famous person.

But is there any real value to having the public know that Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice, one-fifth of one of the biggest girl-groups in music history) was bullied in school? Recently she said, “People would push me around, say they were going to beat me up after school, chase me. It was miserable, my whole schooling, miserable. I tried to be friends with people, but I didn't fit in. So I kept myself to myself.” Perhaps there is value to these conversations.

Perhaps reports that one of Rosario Dawson’s worst memories is getting all dressed up for a school activity and having the girls “pick on me because I was flat chested” brings more awareness to the issue of bullying and social aggression. Some may think, “Who cares?” but such discussions about formerly unmentioned topics have a history of making major cultural changes.

Weeks after Betty Ford became First Lady, she underwent a mastectomy for breast cancer – and discussed it publicly. Later on she talked about her alcoholism and drug addictions. In the 1970s and 80s, sharing these issues with the public was considered very risky. Her openness about both previously taboo topics made headlines and the public decided that she was incredibly brave and heroic. The culture of the time could have judged her negatively, but she was embraced. She was a First Lady, yet as vulnerable as a common citizen. It became acceptable for the average person to discuss these issues and get help. No longer were breast cancer and addiction ignored until they killed. People began to get help.

A few years later, Oprah Winfrey talked about being sexually abused as a child. She even discussed being impregnated by an abuser when she was fourteen (the child died shortly after birth). Aside from fascinating news, people admired this celebrity who was willing to bring these once shameful admissions out in the open to help others avoid the same fate. Child abuse, sexual and otherwise, is now discussed with children to limit such abuse. And survivors of abuse can understand they are victims and seek the support they need.

A few years ago, baseball great Joe Torre talked to reporters about his experience with domestic violence. His father, a respected NYC police detective was a physically abusive husband and an emotionally abusive father. Fans and non-fans were fascinated with this aspect of this athlete’s life. Joe wasn’t the first athlete to experience such abuse but it was Joe who used his status and resources to create the Safe at Home Foundation. The Foundation’s mission is "educating to end the cycle of domestic violence and save lives." Public interest with this man’s experience with bullying (domestic violence is a type of bullying) has led to publicizing the issue and working to end it.

So when I hear about Chester Bennington of the rock group Linkin Park say he was, “knocked around like a rag doll at school for being skinny and looking different,” it can resonate with a lot of kids. It’s another reminder that bullying hurts and it’s not cool. I especially appreciate super model Tyra Banks discussing the issue of bullying and reminding girls that gossiping, deceiving and manipulating is very unfashionable. She tells the following story: "I spent the whole year working on this model show which deals with outer beauty, but three of the prettiest girls left first. It's about personalities. Personality and who you are is so important. If you're pretty but you're ugly inside, you're ugly outside too."

Schools and parents need to impart many bully prevention strategies to stop kids from abusing others. I think that celebrities talking about their bullying experience are now part of the list. Pop culture heroes have incredible influence over young people. When these celebrities bring up the topic, it is an opportunity for other adults to discuss with young people the importance of respect and tolerance for all.

What I haven’t encountered are stories about celebrities who were bullies. Do you know of any?

Steve

YouTube Joins Forces to Stop Cyber Bullying

In a much welcomed move, YouTube has announced that it will no longer host video of school fights. The video uploading giant has pulled school fight video and is asking site users to help police the site. What brings this great change about? Thank the Vallejo City Unified School District of Vallejo, California.

Look back at my last blog, School Approves Cyber Bullying Ban, and you'll see that on Wednesday, the Vallejo City USD Board of Directors unanimously passed a new policy that specifically bans the recording of school fights. As a follow up, Vallejo school officials sent a letter to YouTube asking that they remove all school fight videos. Happily, YouTube has agreed.

Kudos to the Vallejo City USD and YouTube.

Karen

School Approves Cyber Bullying Ban

Yesterday, the Vallejo City Unified School District Board of Directors, in Vallejo, California, voted unanimously to approve a new policy designed to stop students from recording fights with their camera cell phones and then posting them on-line at sites such as YouTube. The new policy also aims to prevent alternate forms of cell phone related cyber bullying, such as abusive text messages.

Case law already addresses this issue, so is this new policy necessary? I think it is.

Case law involving the off campus/on campus nexus states that schools must address any incident which creates a hostile environment or impacts learning, whether or not the incident occurs on or off the school campus. This is all fine and good, but the Vallejo City USD policy specifically lays out rules regarding cell phone use on campus. In doing so, it spells out what is and is not acceptable, along with the consequences. In other words, students and parents now have a clear understanding of what the expectation is, and staff have a clear understanding of what their response should be. To me, clearly defined expectations and consequences are much more effective in changing school climate than case law, which is ususally unknown to students and parents.

What do you think? How does your school address this growing problem?

Karen

Teaching Your Kids How to Respond to a Bully

Mike and I present bully prevention workshops for parents throughout the country. We provide best practices that are effective, safe and empowering. Our experience has been that when it comes to their kids getting bullied, most parents understand that a physical response or verbal comeback does more harm than good.

Of course, they want to know what to suggest to their child to stop the bullying while maintaining safety and self-esteem. Many parents are familiar with suggestions such as ignore verbal taunts, walk away when someone is bothering you and telling the bully, “Stop.” They ask if these are valid strategies.

The answer is yes, they are effective strategies -- when done correctly. The key to success is the details and practice. We teach the detail of these strategies through role-playing (very effective and a lot of fun for Mike as he gets to bully me).

When I role-play ignoring or walking away from Mike the Bully, I do it without showing emotion or gesturing in any manner that will reinforce him. My style expresses confidence and a refusal to get caught in his trap. I show the audience how to “be boring” so the bully just gives up. Simply put, I’m no fun to bully.

And when I choose to tell the bully to “Stop” or “Cut it out,” I keep a distance of 1.5 - 2 arm lengths while making eye contact and using strong body language and tone of voice. Strong body language means my head is up, my back straight and my hands are by my sides or down in front. I limit any extra movement in my body, head and eyes. My tone of voice is controlled, yet neutral; it expresses seriousness and confidence.

Although the suggestions aren’t necessarily new to our audience, our “show” demonstrates the details of these strategies and parents literally see the importance of role-playing bullying scenarios with their child in a safe environment. Role-playing is vital for children to be confident that when they are in an actual bullying situation, and there is real emotion involved, they can respond effectively to stop the bullying.

Ultimately, audience members say, “This is great stuff! I’ve been writing notes on your handouts, but do you have those details in a book?” In the past, we’d respond, “We’re working on it.” As most of our readers know, our book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression, is now available. Although written for educators, each lesson and activity can be taught, discussed and practiced at home between parent and child(ren). Chapter 5, Teaching Assertiveness and Chapter 6, Responding to a Bully, detail these strategies in an easy to read manner with fun activities to practice.

Thanks for asking and as always, we look forward to your feedback.

Steve
For more information on how to prevent bullying, visit the bullying experts at http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/index.html.

Celebrities who were bullied

Hello Everyone,
I came across this link to celebrities who were bullied. Not really sure what to make of it. Thoughts???
Mike
http://www.usmagazine.com/photos/celebs-who-were-bullied

Schools, Cell Phones and Cyber-Bullying

Many schools struggle with policy regarding the use of cell phones by students. Concerns range from using it during teaching time, cheating on tests and cyber-bullying. Some students and parents claim it is important for them to have cell phones to contact parents. The bottom line is the almost everyone has a cell phone these days. Presently, many schools are reconsidering their ‘no cell phones’ policy. (At least) one high school in VT said they have bigger issues to deal with than to fight a losing battle in regard to banning cell phones. The school administration has decided that students will be allowed to have them, but it will be confiscated if used at inappropriate times. Click here to read the article entitled “MAU to allow cell phones; admits enforcement failure.”

This decision was hotly debated at a school board meeting. Overall, board members would prefer no cell phones in school, but accept that the new policy was realistic and made sense. Of course, there was some dissent. One board member said “I hope (parents) would say, 'Don't bring your God damn cell phones to school,'" He also added that he does not own a cell phone and never will.

In my opinion this person is out of touch with millions of teens, tweens and adults. Cell phones are a part of the culture and some variation of them will continue for the foreseeable future. Banning cell phones just won’t work, as this school has indicated. Students will find a way to have and use them during the school day. And if they use it ‘under the radar,” there is an even greater chance they will use it inappropriately.

I think schools need to deal with reality. Teaching students how and when to use their phones respectfully is a skill they will need throughout their lives, especially in the workplace. School staff have an opportunity they need to take advantage of. With student input, staff can and should create logical cell phone usage rules and consequences that can be respected by all. Like it or not, schools have to deal with the issue and need to work with the culture. It’s a great opportunity to teach our young people cultural rules and respect.

Steve
For more strategies to teach proper use of cell phones in school, contact me at Steve@BalanceEducationalServices.com

How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression Top Rated

We just received an update from our publisher Corwin Press; our book received top rankings as one of the most viewed books in August! How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Grade Lessons and Activites That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect encourages respectful, positive-social behavior in all students! A user-friendly resource that offers fun and meaningful interactive lessons and activities that support student safety and well-being, promote healthy social-emotional development, and improve academic achievement, the book includes:

• Step-by-step guidelines for each activity
• Sidebars, sample scripts, and icons that hightlight important information
• A supply list of common classroom items for quick and easy implementation
• Suggestions for enhancing lessons

Want to learn more? Visit http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/.