CB case law is limited...but it’ Growing

An article published in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch titled New Cyber-Bullying Law Is Being Used In St. Louis Area discusses one of the first lawsuits regarding cyber bullying under the new Missouri law that was passed in response to the suicide of teenage Megan Meier. I recommend reading it.

The available technology and creativity of our species has created a very powerful way to abuse another through various electronic devices. Because of this, 18 states now have laws targeting internet harassment and cyber-stalking. Attorneys have also discovered ways to bring legal action against an accused cyber-bully based on pre-existing torts and criminal laws.

In this story, a teen girl is accused of sending harassing text messages to the girl and letting friends use her cell phone to leave threatening voice messages. This is an example of ‘Cyberbullying-by-Proxy’ which is the act of a cyber bully getting others to cyber bully the target, even if they don’t know the target.

To limit cyber bullying, keep the school community informed of the issue so you can “nip it in the bud." The best and safest schools and communities are pro-active. Teach kids about the issue, it’s consequences, how to respond if they are victimized or know of someone being victimized.

For more information about cyber bullying, how to respond and prevent it, contact me at Balance Educational Services. We also have free lesson plans to teach empathy, friendship and respect. Let us know your experience and any strategies that have worked for you. We'll pass them along if you wish.

Steve

Teasing vs. Taunting

DACHER KELTNER wrote a long article entitled In Defense of Teasing (NY Times Magazine 12-5-08). A bit long-winded, in my opinion, but some passages rang true for me. I will share those passages and then my thoughts:

1. Today teasing has been all but banished from the lives of many children. In recent years, high-profile school shootings and teenage suicides have inspired a wave of “zero tolerance” movements in our schools. Accused teasers are now made to utter their teases in front of the class, under the stern eye of teachers. Children are given detention for sarcastic comments on the playground. Schools are decreed “teasing free.”

2. The reason teasing is viewed as inherently damaging is that it is too often confused with bullying. But bullying is something different; it’s aggression, pure and simple. Bullies steal, punch, kick, harass and humiliate. Sexual harassers grope, leer and make crude, often threatening passes. They’re pretty ineffectual flirts. By contrast, teasing is a mode of play, no doubt with a sharp edge, in which we provoke to negotiate life’s ambiguities and conflicts. And it is essential to making us fully human.

3. Teasing is just such an act of off-record communication: provocative commentary is shrouded in linguistic acts called “off-record markers” that suggest the commentary should not be taken literally. At the same time, teasing isn’t just goofing around. We tease to test bonds, and also to create them. To make it clear when we’re teasing, we use fleeting linguistic acts like alliteration, repetition, rhyming and, above all, exaggeration to signal that we don’t mean precisely what we’re saying. (“Playing the dozens,” a kind of ritualized teasing common in the inner city that is considered a precursor to rap, involves just this sort of rhyming: “Don’t talk about my mother ’cause you’ll make me mad/Don’t forget how many your mother had.”) We also often indicate we are teasing by going off-record with nonverbal gestures: elongated vowels and exaggerated pitch, mock expressions and the iconic wink, well-timed laughs and expressive caricatures. A whiny friend might be teased with a high-pitched imitation or a daughter might mock her obtuse father by mimicking his low-pitched voice. Preteens, sharp-tongued jesters that they are, tease their parents with exaggerated facial expressions of anger, disgust or fear, to satirize their guardians’ outdated moral indignation. Similarly, deadpan deliveries and asymmetrically raised eyebrows (Stephen Colbert), satirical smiles and edgy laughs (Jon Stewart) all signal that we don’t entirely mean what we say.

I think teasing is acceptable behavior as long as we define the difference between teasing and taunting (purposeful, hurtful comments). We need to make sure kids understand the difference between playful teasing and hurtful taunting so they can continue to use a very common type of humor, yet avoid bullying and the expression of disrespectful and insensitive behavior. Sharing this knowledge and practicing the skill will help them navigate the very powerful, difficult and fun concept of respectful humor.

The following excerpt from my book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression:
Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect (co-authored by Michael Dreiblatt and Karen Dreiblatt, Corwin Press) expresses how we at Balance Educational Services differentiate good humor and hurtful words.

Teasing is a playful use of humor that brings people together, lightens a mood, enhances a relationship, and makes people laugh. A funny person who can playfully tease is usually popular and able to maintain healthy friendships.

Playful teasing can be a good use of humor when it has the following qualities:
• It isn’t intended to hurt the other person.
• It’s funny in a lighthearted, clever, and gentle way; the comment lightens a mood.
• It’s stated in a tone of voice that is affectionate.
• It is mutual; meant to get both parties to laugh.
• It’s used to bring people closer together and make the relationship stronger.
• It maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved (nobody gets embarrassed or humiliated).
• The teasing can go back and forth—not limited to only one person being allowed to make the comments.
• It is only a small part of the activities between the people involved—teasing doesn’t define the whole relationship.
• It stops if someone becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• No one gets upset or wants revenge.

A person can also make others laugh by using humor inappropriately; this is when humor becomes hurtful taunting. When teasing is misused, purposefully or accidentally, problems tend to follow.
It is hurtful taunting when it has the following qualities:
• It is intended to upset another.
• It is one-sided—one person has a certain power and can make comments, but the other person cannot.
• It is mean, humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted.
• It is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target.
• It induces fear of further taunting or physical bullying.
• It continues even when the targeted person becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• It uses an angry, snide, or sarcastic tone of voice.
• Bystanders laugh, but not the target(s) of the comment.
• Aggressive body language is used—smirking, rolling eyes, raised hip, shaking head back and forth.

After articulating the difference between teasing and taunting (or whatever words is common to your culture) to kids, help them understand the concept by offering short scenarios in which they have to determine if the interchange between the characters is playful or hurtful. For example:

‘As a new student, Bart was still trying to fit in and make friends. At lunch, someone slid a whoopee cushion on Bart’s seat. It made a farting sound when he sat down.

The other kids started calling Bart ‘Bart the Fart.’

Bart asked people to stop calling him ‘Bart the Fart.’ Now they call him ‘Fathead Farty.’

Bart is miserable.’

No one should tease another if they don’t know them well, don’t get along with them, or know they do not like being teased. To do so under those conditions would be taunting. Discuss with your kids or students what topics should never be teased about, such as a person’s religion, body type, etc. to limit hurtful behavior.

Good humor is very difficult to master and instead of prohibiting teasing, which I do not think is practical, I prefer teaching kids to understand what teasing is, to use it appropriately and when to refrain. These lessons will prepare them for the real world, inside and outside of school. Mistakes will still be made and some kids will test the boundaries so adults should be prepared to express respectful reminders and logical consequences that reduce these ‘mistakes.’

I know not every educator agrees with me, so please, share your thoughts.

Steve

YouTube’s Abuse and Safety Center

Cyber bullying began with abusive text messaging, emails and websites. Then it carried over to social networks sites and videos transmitted over cell phones. Videos uploaded to YouTube have become another way to bully.

ISPs (internet service providers), cell phone carriers, social networks sites, and now YouTube have rules against such behavior, but these rules are rarely enforced. Still, the companies which provide the means for cyber bullying are, apparently, trying to take enforcement to the next level. Or so they publicize.

I read an article stating that YouTube, in its desire to be a safe and more appealing destination, has created a section on its site called the Abuse and Safety Center. The section offers information, reporting mechanisms, and resources for privacy and safety issues, including cyber bullying, hateful content and spam.

These providers create the means for reporting and stopping bullying. But users have to take advantage of it. Has anyone found that reporting cyber bullying to an ISP, social network or YouTube has helped stop cyber bullying? Did the service providers respond effectively? Did it empower the victims (targets) of the bullying? I’d like to share your stories on this blog and in our bully prevention presentations to students, educators and parents.

Send us your stories.
Steve

YouTube Joins Forces to Stop Cyber Bullying

In a much welcomed move, YouTube has announced that it will no longer host video of school fights. The video uploading giant has pulled school fight video and is asking site users to help police the site. What brings this great change about? Thank the Vallejo City Unified School District of Vallejo, California.

Look back at my last blog, School Approves Cyber Bullying Ban, and you'll see that on Wednesday, the Vallejo City USD Board of Directors unanimously passed a new policy that specifically bans the recording of school fights. As a follow up, Vallejo school officials sent a letter to YouTube asking that they remove all school fight videos. Happily, YouTube has agreed.

Kudos to the Vallejo City USD and YouTube.

Karen

School Approves Cyber Bullying Ban

Yesterday, the Vallejo City Unified School District Board of Directors, in Vallejo, California, voted unanimously to approve a new policy designed to stop students from recording fights with their camera cell phones and then posting them on-line at sites such as YouTube. The new policy also aims to prevent alternate forms of cell phone related cyber bullying, such as abusive text messages.

Case law already addresses this issue, so is this new policy necessary? I think it is.

Case law involving the off campus/on campus nexus states that schools must address any incident which creates a hostile environment or impacts learning, whether or not the incident occurs on or off the school campus. This is all fine and good, but the Vallejo City USD policy specifically lays out rules regarding cell phone use on campus. In doing so, it spells out what is and is not acceptable, along with the consequences. In other words, students and parents now have a clear understanding of what the expectation is, and staff have a clear understanding of what their response should be. To me, clearly defined expectations and consequences are much more effective in changing school climate than case law, which is ususally unknown to students and parents.

What do you think? How does your school address this growing problem?

Karen

How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression Top Rated

We just received an update from our publisher Corwin Press; our book received top rankings as one of the most viewed books in August! How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Grade Lessons and Activites That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect encourages respectful, positive-social behavior in all students! A user-friendly resource that offers fun and meaningful interactive lessons and activities that support student safety and well-being, promote healthy social-emotional development, and improve academic achievement, the book includes:

• Step-by-step guidelines for each activity
• Sidebars, sample scripts, and icons that hightlight important information
• A supply list of common classroom items for quick and easy implementation
• Suggestions for enhancing lessons

Want to learn more? Visit http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/.

Preventing Massacres through Bully Prevention

Bullying Leads to Massacres is an article discussing human’s innate desire for revenge when they feel wronged. In his book, Beyond Revenge, researcher Michael McCullough discusses how people who have been chronically bullied can go to extremes in their revenge with a shooting rampage. He discusses that this action does not necessarily indicate mental illness.

McCullough discusses how, in general, a breakdown of law and order can lead to hurtful behaviors that create a revenge factor for those who feel wronged. Bullying in school or the workplace, when allowed to fester, is also a breakdown of law and order. McCullough goes on to discuss solutions, of which many have to be implemented. I like to focus on solutions, too.

Stopping bullying and social aggression in school takes the efforts of all people involved – student, staff and parents. It begins with leadership. School leaders need to make sure that bully prevention strategies go beyond the rhetoric of “No Bullying.” A good beginning is to make sure all are on the same page of what bullying is and what behaviors are considered bullying.

Bullying is when a person or group uses their power to intimidate or hurt another. Bullying can be expressed physically, verbally, socially and technologically (cyber bullying). All types of bullying are damaging and must be stopped. Not all people are aware of these definitions and descriptions. Depending on gender, age, area of upbringing (city, suburban, rural), experience with bullying, experience with domestic violence, etc. can influence how a person interprets these behaviors. What is “no big deal” to one person can be devastating to another. It is vital that school leaders make sure all students, parents and staff (administrators, teachers, bus drivers, janitors, counselors, nurses, volunteers, etc.) know what bullying is and their responsibility if they witness or know about bullying.

Staff needs to know how to respond if they witness or hear about bullying. Students need to know how to stop their peers from bullying and, if necessary, when to report it. Parents need to know the signs if their child is bullied or bullies and how to work with the school to make sure their child is safe and treats others respectfully. Discussion, lesson plans and workshops discussing these issues are vital and fulfill education guidelines. In some states, it is required by law. Ultimately they increase academic success.

Getting everyone on the same page is a vital aspect to stop bullying. Recognizing and stopping bullying leads to understanding community expectations and moral obligations. Unfortunately, it is not an exaggeration to say that when people allow others to hurt and abuse others, it comes back to haunt us all. Fortunately, a school massacre is rare, but the negative effects of allowing others to be hurt, hurts us all.

If all involved parties do their part to stop bullying, perhaps we can prevent another school massacre,

There are lots of bully prevention ideas. We’d like to hear some of yours.
Steve

In Texas School, Teachers Carry Books and Guns

I was reading The New York Times, August 29th edition, and came across an article discussing the decision by the school board in Harrold, Texas to allow teachers to carry concealed weapons in school. Here is the link so you can read it too: In Texas School, Teachers Carry Books and Guns

I do not think this is a wise decision by the Board for several reasons.

In general, more guns in schools mean more opportunity for something to go wrong and end in tragedy, even if the teacher is well trained in gun safety.

Also, this decision, while well meaning, doesn’t get to the facts of school shootings or the situation in Harrold, Texas. Although Superintendent David Thweatt expresses concern over the possibility of a drifter becoming a school shooter, school shootings are rarely committed by random drifters. The vast majority of school shootings fall into two main groups; gang related shootings and Columbine-type shootings. Gang related shootings are self-explanatory, Columbine-type shootings are committed by students who have been bullied, often in socially stratified schools with winner/loser cultures, where long-term bullying exists. Were this is the case in Harrold, Texas, it would be wiser for the administration to work on the school climate and develop effective bully prevention procedures that staff can easily enforce.

I was also concerned by the apparent lack of community input into the decision. An important decision such as this needs a strong community backing or should not be done at all.

What do you think? Post your opinion. Mike

Michael Phelps, his Mom and Dealing with Bullies

As a bully prevention expert, I help teach kids to stop bullying other kids. There is no one bully prevention strategy – there are many effective approaches. Some focus on helping targets of bullying be less of a target.

I thought about this as I read stories about how Olympic champ Michael Phelps was bullied as a child. I appreciate how his mother, Debbie Phelps, focused on solutions to help her son, not the problem. Young Michael was bullied because of his looks and behavior. He was diagnosed with ADHD; couldn’t sit still, focus or be quiet. His mother stated, “he also grew unevenly; his arms were unusually long and made him a target of hurtful, insulting bullying.” Because of these struggles, Phelps described himself as, “quiet, introspective and angry growing up, deeply hurt of being bullied by other children.”

Ms. Phelps couldn’t undo her son’s ADHD, or his body type, so she focused on what she could do. She worked with his teachers to make sure they figured out ways to teach Michael successfully. She had him take Ritalin to treat his hyperactivity, and although there was some success with it, she took him off it when he requested – thus respecting and empowering him. She helped him study and when necessary, found tutors. And she found something he was good at and loved – swimming.

These actions helped Michael develop self-esteem and resiliency. But still, for a while, the bullying continued. "He got a hard time about being a swimmer and not a football or lacrosse player," said one high-school classmate. However, mother and son turned the challenge into a strength. "The bullying and adversity made him be stronger and work harder," his mother is quoted.

Michaels story should not make us think that being bullied is advantageous because it toughens a kid up or will turn targets into champions. That is faulty logic with no basis in fact. However, it does show that there are many strategies parents can use when their child is bullied. Addressing challenges proactively can lead to stopping the bullying and developing a child with resiliency and good self-esteem.

If your child is being bullied:

· Work with your child’s teachers to make sure your child is safe, physically and emotionally. Discuss how you want them to respond if they witness hurtful behavior by other children. Also, let them know how you want them to respond if your child acts inappropriately

· With your child, determine where it is safe to be, in school and out, where they won’t be bullied or mistreated.

· Discuss the qualities they want in friends and how to respond if friends do not treat them respectfully.

· Together, work on developing social skills that will be appreciated by their peers.

· Help your child determine their interest in activities and hobbies such as sports, music, theater, computer games, and crafts. Help your child get together with others who are interested in the same activities. As necessary, provide physical training to bring them up to a level that will be valued by their peers.

· Discuss how to respond, effectively yet non-violently, if someone does or says something that is abusive or hurtful.

· Talk about when to go to you or another trusted adult if the bullying continues. Also, discuss the difference between tattling and telling (it is not tattling if they are getting help for a situation they tried to resolve or found to be too dangerous).

- Steve

I’m interested in hearing your ideas about helping targets of bullying deal with the challenge. Post here or email me at Steve@BalanceEducationalServices.com

School Shooting in Tennessee on August 21, 2008

It is the beginning of the school year and all too soon there has been a school shooting - an incident in Knoxville, TN on August 21, 2008. The news out of Knoxville is somewhat unique. Research indicates that “In… more than . . . two-thirds of 37 shootings, the attackers felt ‘persecuted, bullied, threatened, attacked, or injured by others,’ and that revenge was an underlying motive” (Lyznicki, McCaffree, & Robinowitz, 2004). Yet news reports indicate that in this case, the victim, Ryan McDonald, is the one who had been bullied. Ryan had alopecia, a condition that left him bald since he was 3 and the target of endless teasing as a child.

If it is true that Ryan had been teased for 12 years it was just a matter of time until something tragic occurred. The ramifications of being chronically bullied include depression, anxiety, eating and sleeping disorders, self-mutilation, alcohol and drug abuse, violence and suicide. Students who exhibit long-term bullying behavior are also at great risk of dangerous behaviors.

For these and other ethical considerations, most states have laws that address bullying in school. While some of these laws are still a work in progress, the laws are a great first step. But these laws need to be followed up with training for all school staff that includes practical strategies to keep all students safe; physically and emotionally, and maintain an effective academic environment.

One effective strategy is training staff in a carefully designed four-step response to any student(s) bullying another. This response takes between 10-30 seconds and is designed to “nip bullying in the bud.” In other words, stopping bullying, social aggression and other hurtful behavior before the situation becomes chronic and a tragedy occurs. Confidence in using this 4-step response can go a long way in fulfilling goals of bully prevention laws as well as educational requirements about teaching students respect and citizenship.

First, all staff need to know what specific behaviors they are required to address, i.e. examples of physical, verbal, cyber bullying and social aggression.

When staff see or hear bullying and other hurtful behavior, they need to:
1. Stop the bullying behavior
2. Identify the specific behavior that is hurtful and unacceptable
3. Remind the student of the school’s expectation
4. Remind the student of the behavioral expectation (a replacement behavior, as appropriate).

For example, if a staff member heard a student belittling another student, the staff can state, in an authoritative yet respectful tone, the following:
1. Stop talking right now.
2. The way you were talking was insulting.
3. In this school, we don’t talk to people in a mean way.
4. When you talk to someone, say positive things. Do you understand? Good, let’s get to class.

Granted, this strategy won’t solve every problem, and staff needs to know how to respond if a student continues to be hurtful. However, most students do respond to strong, responsible leadership by adults and will comply.

There is no one solution to stop all bullying, but a consistent response from staff members will create a school culture where all students know that hurtful behavior will not be tolerated. When no one accepts 12 years of merciless teasing, perhaps we can prevent such tragedies from recurring. For more information on how to prevent bullying, visit the bullying experts at http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/.