Wednesday, December 17, 2008

CB case law is limited...but it’ Growing

An article published in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch titled New Cyber-Bullying Law Is Being Used In St. Louis Area discusses one of the first lawsuits regarding cyber bullying under the new Missouri law that was passed in response to the suicide of teenage Megan Meier. I recommend reading it.

The available technology and creativity of our species has created a very powerful way to abuse another through various electronic devices. Because of this, 18 states now have laws targeting internet harassment and cyber-stalking. Attorneys have also discovered ways to bring legal action against an accused cyber-bully based on pre-existing torts and criminal laws.

In this story, a teen girl is accused of sending harassing text messages to the girl and letting friends use her cell phone to leave threatening voice messages. This is an example of ‘Cyberbullying-by-Proxy’ which is the act of a cyber bully getting others to cyber bully the target, even if they don’t know the target.

To limit cyber bullying, keep the school community informed of the issue so you can “nip it in the bud." The best and safest schools and communities are pro-active. Teach kids about the issue, it’s consequences, how to respond if they are victimized or know of someone being victimized.

For more information about cyber bullying, how to respond and prevent it, contact me at Balance Educational Services. We also have free lesson plans to teach empathy, friendship and respect. Let us know your experience and any strategies that have worked for you. We'll pass them along if you wish.

Steve

Teasing vs. Taunting

DACHER KELTNER wrote a long article entitled In Defense of Teasing (NY Times Magazine 12-5-08). A bit long-winded, in my opinion, but some passages rang true for me. I will share those passages and then my thoughts:

1. Today teasing has been all but banished from the lives of many children. In recent years, high-profile school shootings and teenage suicides have inspired a wave of “zero tolerance” movements in our schools. Accused teasers are now made to utter their teases in front of the class, under the stern eye of teachers. Children are given detention for sarcastic comments on the playground. Schools are decreed “teasing free.”

2. The reason teasing is viewed as inherently damaging is that it is too often confused with bullying. But bullying is something different; it’s aggression, pure and simple. Bullies steal, punch, kick, harass and humiliate. Sexual harassers grope, leer and make crude, often threatening passes. They’re pretty ineffectual flirts. By contrast, teasing is a mode of play, no doubt with a sharp edge, in which we provoke to negotiate life’s ambiguities and conflicts. And it is essential to making us fully human.

3. Teasing is just such an act of off-record communication: provocative commentary is shrouded in linguistic acts called “off-record markers” that suggest the commentary should not be taken literally. At the same time, teasing isn’t just goofing around. We tease to test bonds, and also to create them. To make it clear when we’re teasing, we use fleeting linguistic acts like alliteration, repetition, rhyming and, above all, exaggeration to signal that we don’t mean precisely what we’re saying. (“Playing the dozens,” a kind of ritualized teasing common in the inner city that is considered a precursor to rap, involves just this sort of rhyming: “Don’t talk about my mother ’cause you’ll make me mad/Don’t forget how many your mother had.”) We also often indicate we are teasing by going off-record with nonverbal gestures: elongated vowels and exaggerated pitch, mock expressions and the iconic wink, well-timed laughs and expressive caricatures. A whiny friend might be teased with a high-pitched imitation or a daughter might mock her obtuse father by mimicking his low-pitched voice. Preteens, sharp-tongued jesters that they are, tease their parents with exaggerated facial expressions of anger, disgust or fear, to satirize their guardians’ outdated moral indignation. Similarly, deadpan deliveries and asymmetrically raised eyebrows (Stephen Colbert), satirical smiles and edgy laughs (Jon Stewart) all signal that we don’t entirely mean what we say.


I think teasing is acceptable behavior as long as we define the difference between teasing and taunting (purposeful, hurtful comments). We need to make sure kids understand the difference between playful teasing and hurtful taunting so they can continue to use a very common type of humor, yet avoid bullying and the expression of disrespectful and insensitive behavior. Sharing this knowledge and practicing the skill will help them navigate the very powerful, difficult and fun concept of respectful humor.

The following excerpt from my book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression:
Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect
(co-authored by Michael Dreiblatt and Karen Dreiblatt, Corwin Press) expresses how we at Balance Educational Services differentiate good humor and hurtful words.

Teasing is a playful use of humor that brings people together, lightens a mood, enhances a relationship, and makes people laugh. A funny person who can playfully tease is usually popular and able to maintain healthy friendships.

Playful teasing can be a good use of humor when it has the following qualities:
• It isn’t intended to hurt the other person.
• It’s funny in a lighthearted, clever, and gentle way; the comment lightens a mood.
• It’s stated in a tone of voice that is affectionate.
• It is mutual; meant to get both parties to laugh.
• It’s used to bring people closer together and make the relationship stronger.
• It maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved (nobody gets embarrassed or humiliated).
• The teasing can go back and forth—not limited to only one person being allowed to make the comments.
• It is only a small part of the activities between the people involved—teasing doesn’t define the whole relationship.
• It stops if someone becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• No one gets upset or wants revenge.

A person can also make others laugh by using humor inappropriately; this is when humor becomes hurtful taunting. When teasing is misused, purposefully or accidentally, problems tend to follow.
It is hurtful taunting when it has the following qualities:
• It is intended to upset another.
• It is one-sided—one person has a certain power and can make comments, but the other person cannot.
• It is mean, humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted.
• It is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target.
• It induces fear of further taunting or physical bullying.
• It continues even when the targeted person becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• It uses an angry, snide, or sarcastic tone of voice.
• Bystanders laugh, but not the target(s) of the comment.
• Aggressive body language is used—smirking, rolling eyes, raised hip, shaking head back and forth.

After articulating the difference between teasing and taunting (or whatever words is common to your culture) to kids, help them understand the concept by offering short scenarios in which they have to determine if the interchange between the characters is playful or hurtful. For example:
‘As a new student, Bart was still trying to fit in and make friends. At lunch, someone slid a whoopee cushion on Bart’s seat. It made a farting sound when he sat down.
The other kids started calling Bart ‘Bart the Fart.’

Bart asked people to stop calling him ‘Bart the Fart.’ Now they call him ‘Fathead Farty.’
Bart is miserable.’

No one should tease another if they don’t know them well, don’t get along with them, or know they do not like being teased. To do so under those conditions would be taunting. Discuss with your kids or students what topics should never be teased about, such as a person’s religion, body type, etc. to limit hurtful behavior.

Good humor is very difficult to master and instead of prohibiting teasing, which I do not think is practical, I prefer teaching kids to understand what teasing is, to use it appropriately and when to refrain. These lessons will prepare them for the real world, inside and outside of school. Mistakes will still be made and some kids will test the boundaries so adults should be prepared to express respectful reminders and logical consequences that reduce these ‘mistakes.’

I know not every educator agrees with me, so please, share your thoughts.

Steve

Saturday, December 13, 2008

YouTube’s Abuse and Safety Center

Cyber bullying began with abusive text messaging, emails and websites. Then it carried over to social networks sites and videos transmitted over cell phones. Videos uploaded to YouTube have become another way to bully.

ISPs (internet service providers), cell phone carriers, social networks sites, and now YouTube have rules against such behavior, but these rules are rarely enforced. Still, the companies which provide the means for cyber bullying are, apparently, trying to take enforcement to the next level. Or so they publicize.

I read an article stating that YouTube, in its desire to be a safe and more appealing destination, has created a section on its site called the Abuse and Safety Center. The section offers information, reporting mechanisms, and resources for privacy and safety issues, including cyber bullying, hateful content and spam.

These providers create the means for reporting and stopping bullying. But users have to take advantage of it. Has anyone found that reporting cyber bullying to an ISP, social network or YouTube has helped stop cyber bullying? Did the service providers respond effectively? Did it empower the victims (targets) of the bullying? I’d like to share your stories on this blog and in our bully prevention presentations to students, educators and parents.

Send us your stories.
Steve

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Kids Helping Bullied Kids

Kids are a big part of any bully prevention strategy.

Mike and I teach students how to stop bullying, not only if they are the victim, but if they see, hear or know about bullying towards others. Bystanders of bullying are the largest constituent of the bullying dynamic.

We teach students how to stop another from bullying, peacefully, safely and with limited risk to their social status. Choices include:
1. Tell the bullies to stop
2. Separate the bullies away from the person being bullied
3. Separate the person being bullied away from the bullies
4. Report to a trusted adult (it’s not tattling if you are helping someone)

There are other options, too. I came across two stories that are great examples of kids helping bullied kids.

The first story (Bully Control) is about a girl, Olivia, who had been directly bullied and cyber bullied. Two teen sisters from another school heard about this girl through a story in the San Francisco Chronicle. They launched a letter-writing campaign in which their classmates would write letters of encouragement to this girl. The idea gained popularity and more schools became involved. Then the media began reporting on Olivia's plight and the girls' campaign. Letters and e-mails poured in from all over the world with best wishes for Olivia.

The article included the steps the sisters had to go through, including working with adults, to lend support in a very compassionate and respectful manner. These steps would be helpful if you wanted to help kids do a similar act of kindness. P.S. This campaign of compassion was so successful they published a book called "Letters to a Bullied Girl: Messages of Healing and Hope."


The 2nd story is titled “Schools Awash in Pink Thursday for Stand Up to Bullying Day.” After a 9th grader was picked on for wearing a pink shirt on the first day of school last year at Central Kings School in Canada, two 12th grade students decided to take a stand against bullying. These students went out and bought pink shirts and gave them out to their classmates at their school, who wore them en masse to support the student who had been bullied and to send a message to bullies everywhere – back off. Since then, Stand Up Against Bullying Day was proclaimed by Premier Rodney MacDonald of Nova Scotia, Canada.

This particular story is from September, yet articles about schools with students taking similar initiatives (for instance, Students Wear Pink to Oppose Bullying) continue to come across my computer screen.

Teaching kids to help kids is a great bully prevention technique and can make every day ‘Stand up to a Bully’ day.

Balance Educational Services encourages you to share these stories with your students or children. It’s a great way to teach and reinforce empathy and social responsibility.

Please write us if you know of students who are doing other bully prevention activities. We’ll pass it along.

Steve

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

We received the following comments concerning a recent newsletter article we recently sent out. (comments in green, original article in black) The comments came from a colleague and friend who runs an excellent counseling/recreation program for children who have socializing issues. His point, forcing a child who is passive to participate in an activity not of their own choosing will come to a bad end, is true. If the child is not athletic, forcing them to participate in sports will not end well. Sports can be great to learn, but only if the child is self-motivated to learn sports. We believe that passive children do need to learn activities appreciated by others, but the child needs to be the one who decides what activity it is. Caring adults who work with passive children need to think of skills and activities appreciated by others as much more than just sports. These activities include art, drama, magic, computers, videogames and other age appropriate activities. A passive child learning skills and activities appreciated by their peers goes a long way toward preventing bullying, but as we state in our newsletter, passive children will also need to practice social skills. Thanks for writing to us. Keep your comments coming! Mike


Hey there- Very much enjoying these e-mails. Today I want to quibble with the wording you use in part of the latest installment - You say "These students will also...need to learn activities appreciated by their peers." As someone who works with lots of these passive types, I just want to throw in my 2 cents and say that NEED is a bit strong and may serve to make matters a bit worse at times. I talk to lots of parents who assume that if they get their kid involved in baseball or soccer or some other popular activity, that they will have a common frame of reference with more typical and more confident kids. It's often well intended but what lots of these parents ignore is that their kids often have absolutely no interest in these activities. So what happens is that they go, do a bad job either intentionally or unintentionally, have another failure experience both physically and socially, and then have something else to be pissed at their parents for. It can also provide grist for the mill when kids suspect that their parents want to change them into someone they're not. I usually phrase it to parents that it would make matters easier for everyone if their kids learned activities that everyone appreciates but that if it starts to feel like they're trying to force a square peg into a round hole - maybe it's time to punt. I also know some kids who do pretty well socially even though they suck at sports and don't have any interest in them. I think it's more important that, whoever they are, they develop and express a sense of confidence. And - not that I'm biased about this at all - I think you're right - they do NEED to develop more social competence.

Research has revealed common characteristics and profiles among students who are repeatedly bullied. One group is referred to as passive (a.k.a. submissive) victims, another as provocative victims. Clarifying the behaviors of a student who is repeatedly bullied can lead to strategies that reduce victimization.

Passive victims signal, through attitude and behaviors, that they are insecure and will not respond strongly if bullied. They are often:
Physically weaker than others their age
Afraid of being hurt, have poor physical coordination and don't do well in sports
Have poor social skills and have difficulty making friends
Cautious, sensitive, quiet, withdrawn and shy
Anxious, insecure, and cry or become upset easily
Have poor self-esteem
Have difficulty standing up for or defending themselves, physically and verbally


Provocative victims express behaviors that often irritate others and incite negative reactions. They often:
Have poor social skills -- appear to instigate the bullying
Are hyperactive, restless, and have difficulty concentrating
Are clumsy, immature, and exhibit irritating habits
Do not develop strong friendships
Are hot-tempered and attempt to fight back, ineffectively and sometimes entertainingly,
when victimized
Pick on smaller kids

If the bullied child has traits familiar to either list, altering their behavior may help reduce further bullying and develop self-esteem, resiliency and empowerment - qualities that will limit further victimization. For instance, teach passive victims to respond assertively to bullies with details that include specific language and how to express confident body language, eye contact, and tone of voice. These students will also need to practice social skills and learn activities appreciated by peers.

Provocative victims also need to learn age appropriate skills. They will need help from a caring adult to become aware of behaviors that generate negative reactions from others. They may also need help with emotional management techniques.

Social skills training should be incorporated into behavior plans, classroom lessons, and IEPs (Individualized Education Plans).

Although some behaviors do perpetuate bullying, no one ever deserves to be bullied!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Cyber Bullying Case Law is Limited, But Consider Civil and Criminal Laws

Educators and administrators often ask us about case law regarding cyber bullying to help guide them in policy and procedure. As far as I know, and I research it daily, case law is limited. One law suit, now in progress, is slowly developing (read article: Evidence of Megan Meier's death will be permitted in Lori Drew's cyber-bullying trial)

Regardless of case law, school personnel need to respond if a student harasses or bullies another student(s) using the school computer/internet system. A school also needs to be involved even if the cyber bullying was initiated off campus, but interrupts learning on campus. This is referred to as an off-campus/on-campus nexus.

A real challenge for administrators and teachers is when one student bullies another student online, but there is no connection to school computer use or an on-campus/off-campus nexus. They struggle when confronted by a parent of a student who is being bullied by another student at the school. Simply put, a distressed parent does not want to hear “The bully didn’t use a school computer, there is no nexus and therefore there is nothing we can do or required to do.”

In such situations, we do have some recommendations. First, we believe all schools should be preemptive and should teach all students, staff and parents about the different types of bullying, how to address it as a target, bystander, or parent, and consequences of bullying. This won’t stop all bullying from occurring, but can limit its affects.

Also, when necessary, and as appropriate, share the following information, which I have cut and paste from a document titled Educator’s Guide to Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats by Nancy Willard, M.S., J.D. Note that this is not legal advice, but information to consider.

Civil Litigation
When should parents of a target consider civil litigation against the bully and parents of the
bully?


Civil laws provide the ability for cyberbully victims to sue the bully and the bully’s parents to recover financial damages for injuries or require actions, such as removal of material and discontinuation of cyberbullying. Some cyberbullying activities meet the standards for what is called an intentional “tort” (wrongdoing).

In many jurisdictions, there are parental liability laws that allow someone who is intentionally injured by a minor to hold the parents of that minor financially responsible. Parents can also be found negligent in failing to provide reasonable supervision of their child. If a school official notifies parents that their child is cyberbullying another and the cyberbullying continues, this can provide an enhanced ability to hold the parent’s financially liable. Informing the parents of the cyberbully about this potential is likely the strongest “motivation” school officials can use to ensure that the cyberbullying stops.

Depending on the facts, the following legal actions might be possible:
Defamation. Someone publishes a false statement about a person that damages his or her reputation.
Invasion of privacy/public disclosure of a private fact. Someone publicly discloses a
private fact about a person under conditions that would be highly offensive to a reasonable person.
Invasion of personal privacy/false light. Publicly disclosing information that places an individual in a false light.
Intentional infliction of emotional distress. Someone’s intentional actions are outrageous and intolerable and have caused extreme distress.

An attorney can send a letter to the bully’s parents and seek informal resolution or file a lawsuit.

Criminal Law
When should a school contact, or assist a parent in contacting, law enforcement officials?

Extremely harmful online speech can violate criminal laws. The following kinds of speech can lead to arrest and prosecution:
• Making threats of violence to people or their property.
• Engaging in coercion (trying to force someone to do something he or she doesn’t want to do).
• Making obscene or harassing telephone calls (this includes text messaging).
• Harassment or stalking.
• Hate or bias crimes.
• Creating or sending sexually explicit images of teens (this is child pornography).
• Sexual exploitation.
• Taking a photo of someone in place where privacy is expected (like a locker room)


At Balance Educational Services, we teach students, staff and parents how to avoid on-going bullying, and hope that a situation never gets so severe that law enforcement has to be involved. However, educating people that bullying or harassing someone online may lead to legal liability can be a good deterrent to a bully and/or motivate the parents of a cyberbully to provide more supervision.

If anyone is familiar with case law regarding cyberbullying, please let us know.
Thanks.

Steve

Friday, November 14, 2008

Brain Scans Show Bullies May Enjoy Watching Pain

Recently, I read the article Brain Scans Show Bullies May Enjoy Watching Pain. The study, using sophisticated fMRI technology, suggested that kids who bully derive pleasure from others pain.

I’m completely in favor or research to gain greater insight into the dynamics of bullying and determine new strategies to reduce violence and increase empathy and respect. Unfortunately, I don’t think the information of this study, as publicized, is all that relevant in terms of bullying. The researchers studied the brain activity of 8 teenagers with aggressive Conduct Disorder (CD) and another 8 matched controls that did not show symptoms of CD, while they watched animated scenes showing people in pain and not in pain. All the subjects were boys between 16 and 18 years of age.

Conduct disorder is described as a group of behavioral and emotional problems in youngsters. Children and adolescents with this disorder have great difficulty following rules and behaving in a socially acceptable way. They are often viewed by other children, adults and social agencies as "bad" or delinquent, rather than mentally ill. Many factors may contribute to a child developing conduct disorder, including brain damage, child abuse, genetic vulnerability, school failure, and traumatic life experiences.


People with this disorder have a very serious issue and special needs. However, they do not make up the majority of kids who bully. Conduct disorder only affects 1 to 4 percent of 9- to 17-year-olds.

Bullying shows itself in many different forms (physical, verbal, cyber and relational), is common among male and female of all ages and is expressed for many different reasons. It is a behavior that meets a need which can include, but not be limited to, a desire to be popular, a leader, considered funny, impress peers, or seek revenge. If the behavior is reinforced with success in meeting the need of the child, the behavior will continue. The study focused specifically on how the subjects reacted when viewing physical types of distress in others. However, physical bullying is the least common type of bullying. And aggressive behavior by kids with conduct disorder is only one small fraction of those guilty of bullying.

This study seemed to get a lot of publicity with its headlines, but I would caution about thinking that it offers any new important insights into the general bullying dynamic. I think it’s too early to equate it with bullying at all. This study was too limited in scope to be of any real value in bully prevention strategies. I think it was way too early to even publish this study, especially in regards to new insights about bullying, but I do hope they continue the research.

What do you think?

Steve