I recently viewed the movie An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong. It’s about a fourth grader and her friends who deal with bullying from a more popular girl in their class. I recommend it for kids between 2nd and 5th grade. Older kids might enjoy it, too, and I’m sure can relate to some of the bullying issues and how easily some adults just ‘miss’ the aggressive behaviors that is right in front of their face. Children, parents and educators can all learn good bully prevention strategies which is the strong point of this movie.
The bullying was realistic and showed examples of physical, verbal, social and cyber bullying. Some of the bullying was more sophisticated than average 4th graders might express, but then again, some bullies are way above average. Chrissa, the main victim, and other victims were typical 4th grade girls who, realistically, didn’t know how to deal with the situation. The bullying continued until situations had risen to a level whereby parents and teachers had to be involved. Often, the kids themselves made some very good choices, too, to stop the bullying.
The adults didn’t handle the situations very well at first. For instance, trying to find out who the main culprit was in a given situation, the principal and classroom teacher asked the students for information while all the students - victims, aggressors, and bystanders - were all together. Of course, no one was willing to risk speaking up. Separate discussions would be much more effective. Also, some of the consequences imparted on the aggressors had nothing to do with the bullying. I would have liked to see consequences that would teach pro-social behaviors and empathy instead of suspension and ‘towel clean-up’ that had nothing to do with the offense. Changing behavior and/or teaching replacement skills is a lot more effective in stopping a bully from bullying again. Of course, if the adults had taught all the students how to react to bullying before bullying began, and/or had ‘nipped’ the bullying in the bud before it got severe, this would have been a very short movie.
The movie accurately expressed how confusing a bullying situation can be for any young child. Without information and strategies to deal with bullying, the children in this movie used trial and error solutions such as hiding in toilet stalls, staying home from school, and avoiding after school activities. They were also hesitant to talk to adults. Fortunately, it addressed these realistic responses with ultimately having the children learn that talking to an adult is not tattling, but asking for help. Ultimately, the adults were very helpful. To move the story along, the writer had them be somewhat clueless and naïve at first, but they were always supportive and came through in the end to help the victims.
The movie is enjoyable to watch and many youngsters will be able to relate to the storyline. I recommend the movie as an opportunity to discuss bullying with children and strategies they can implement if they are bullied or witness bullying. In real life, we want kids and adults to know how to stop bullying before it becomes an abusive situation that last for weeks. At the risk of being self-serving, using the lessons and activities in our book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression would help children learn the skills the characters in the movie would have appreciated, such as how to stand up to a bully, how to stop a peer from bullying another, and how to determine when talking to an adult is telling and not tattling.
Check out the table of contents of our book to get idea of what skills kids need to develop to stop bullying. Or, for sample lessons go to http://balanceeducationalservices.com/resources.html
If you saw the movie, share your thoughts.
Steve
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Radio Interview Posted
Happy New Year everyone!
We have a new 20 minute radio interview posted to our website. It’s a clear, concise and interesting (even if I say so myself) interview by veteran radio man Rich Ryder of WBTN in Vermont, USA. On our "media page" click on the link under "Hear Mike and Steve" that reads "Radio Interview - WBTN."
Feel free to share the interview with any friends, or friends who have children or students, who are having issues with bullying.
We wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2009
Steve
We have a new 20 minute radio interview posted to our website. It’s a clear, concise and interesting (even if I say so myself) interview by veteran radio man Rich Ryder of WBTN in Vermont, USA. On our "media page" click on the link under "Hear Mike and Steve" that reads "Radio Interview - WBTN."
Feel free to share the interview with any friends, or friends who have children or students, who are having issues with bullying.
We wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2009
Steve
Monday, December 22, 2008
Just read a interesting story about offensive lineman for the University of Nebraska, Matt Slauson. Slauson talks honestly about problems faced by children who are different. In Matt’s case, the differences were his stuttering and his size. Life can have extra challenges for those who are different, but Matt faced his speech challenges head on. He also used his size to his advantage. See our November 25th blog about ending bullying by building up socially acceptable skills. Read the story about Matt at http://www.ketv.com/cnn-news/18336632/detail.html. Get bully prevention resources at http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/resources.html.
Mike
Mike
Friday, December 19, 2008
Boy Breaks Gender Barrier to Compete at Apollo Theater
Today's online version of the NY Times features of video of ZeAndre Orr, a Brownsville 5th grader at P.S 323, who weathered physical bullying and verbal harassment to follow his heart and join his school's double dutch jump rope team. Double dutch jump rope has long been a largely female sport and ZeAndre is one of only two male jumpers on his school's team.
Name calling, pushing, shoving, and tripping followed ZeAndre's decision to join the team. At one point, he was kicked down a flight of stairs. Although ZeAndre did consider quiting to avoid the bullying and harassment, he persisted in his dedication to the sport. ZeAndre was rewarded for his efforts with admittance into the annual Holiday Classic Double Dutch Competition at the famed Apollo Theater, one of the largest double dutch competitions in the country. Only the best jumpers from P.S. 323 were chosen to represent their school at the competition.
I really admire ZeAndre for not allowing others to keep him from participating in his chosen activity. As educators, we try to encourage children to find an activity they truly enjoy and pursue it with passion. It isn't easy to do this when there is community prejudice or a lack of support. Back when I was growing up, girls who wanted to participate in "boy" sports, such as soccer or baseball, were regularly taunted. Whether you are a girl breaking into a "boy " sport, or a boy breaking into a "girl" sport, the road to admittance is a tough one.
Of course, sports are not the only activities children can pursue. Art, music, writing, hiking, and woodcraft are just some of the additional possibilities. For ways to encourage your child to find their own niche, check the parent and student links on our Resources Page, have your school book a Parenting a Well Rounded Child workshop, or see our book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect.
To see the video about ZeAndre Orr, click here:
http://video.nytimes.com/video/2008/12/18/nyregion/1194835807850/brooklyns-jazzy-jumpers.html?th&emc=th.
Do you, your child or someone you know have experience in breaking gender boundaries? I'd love to hear what you have to say.
Karen
Name calling, pushing, shoving, and tripping followed ZeAndre's decision to join the team. At one point, he was kicked down a flight of stairs. Although ZeAndre did consider quiting to avoid the bullying and harassment, he persisted in his dedication to the sport. ZeAndre was rewarded for his efforts with admittance into the annual Holiday Classic Double Dutch Competition at the famed Apollo Theater, one of the largest double dutch competitions in the country. Only the best jumpers from P.S. 323 were chosen to represent their school at the competition.
I really admire ZeAndre for not allowing others to keep him from participating in his chosen activity. As educators, we try to encourage children to find an activity they truly enjoy and pursue it with passion. It isn't easy to do this when there is community prejudice or a lack of support. Back when I was growing up, girls who wanted to participate in "boy" sports, such as soccer or baseball, were regularly taunted. Whether you are a girl breaking into a "boy " sport, or a boy breaking into a "girl" sport, the road to admittance is a tough one.
Of course, sports are not the only activities children can pursue. Art, music, writing, hiking, and woodcraft are just some of the additional possibilities. For ways to encourage your child to find their own niche, check the parent and student links on our Resources Page, have your school book a Parenting a Well Rounded Child workshop, or see our book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect.
To see the video about ZeAndre Orr, click here:
http://video.nytimes.com/video/2008/12/18/nyregion/1194835807850/brooklyns-jazzy-jumpers.html?th&emc=th.
Do you, your child or someone you know have experience in breaking gender boundaries? I'd love to hear what you have to say.
Karen
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Another Celebrity Steps Up to Stop Bullying
We get a lot of hits when we write about celebrities and bullying. Here's another story:
Lord of the Rings star Sir Ian McKellen went back to his home town in Wigan, UK to help a school launch a project to combat homophobic bullying (article). He’s working with a charity to promote safe and inclusive learning environments for youngsters and establish practical methods of addressing homophobia in schools.
Let’s hope that Gandalf the Wizard and/or Magneto (in the X-Men movies) can influence the kids to be more respectful and tolerant. Hollywood can influence kids to be naughty or nice. Here’s another example of using star-power for good.
If any of our UK readers have more details about Sir Ian's involvement with his hometown schools, please send it along.
Send any stories about celebrities helping to stop bullying. We'll post them.
Steve
Lord of the Rings star Sir Ian McKellen went back to his home town in Wigan, UK to help a school launch a project to combat homophobic bullying (article). He’s working with a charity to promote safe and inclusive learning environments for youngsters and establish practical methods of addressing homophobia in schools.
Let’s hope that Gandalf the Wizard and/or Magneto (in the X-Men movies) can influence the kids to be more respectful and tolerant. Hollywood can influence kids to be naughty or nice. Here’s another example of using star-power for good.
If any of our UK readers have more details about Sir Ian's involvement with his hometown schools, please send it along.
Send any stories about celebrities helping to stop bullying. We'll post them.
Steve
CB case law is limited...but it’ Growing
An article published in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch titled New Cyber-Bullying Law Is Being Used In St. Louis Area discusses one of the first lawsuits regarding cyber bullying under the new Missouri law that was passed in response to the suicide of teenage Megan Meier. I recommend reading it.
The available technology and creativity of our species has created a very powerful way to abuse another through various electronic devices. Because of this, 18 states now have laws targeting internet harassment and cyber-stalking. Attorneys have also discovered ways to bring legal action against an accused cyber-bully based on pre-existing torts and criminal laws.
In this story, a teen girl is accused of sending harassing text messages to the girl and letting friends use her cell phone to leave threatening voice messages. This is an example of ‘Cyberbullying-by-Proxy’ which is the act of a cyber bully getting others to cyber bully the target, even if they don’t know the target.
To limit cyber bullying, keep the school community informed of the issue so you can “nip it in the bud." The best and safest schools and communities are pro-active. Teach kids about the issue, it’s consequences, how to respond if they are victimized or know of someone being victimized.
For more information about cyber bullying, how to respond and prevent it, contact me at Balance Educational Services. We also have free lesson plans to teach empathy, friendship and respect. Let us know your experience and any strategies that have worked for you. We'll pass them along if you wish.
Steve
The available technology and creativity of our species has created a very powerful way to abuse another through various electronic devices. Because of this, 18 states now have laws targeting internet harassment and cyber-stalking. Attorneys have also discovered ways to bring legal action against an accused cyber-bully based on pre-existing torts and criminal laws.
In this story, a teen girl is accused of sending harassing text messages to the girl and letting friends use her cell phone to leave threatening voice messages. This is an example of ‘Cyberbullying-by-Proxy’ which is the act of a cyber bully getting others to cyber bully the target, even if they don’t know the target.
To limit cyber bullying, keep the school community informed of the issue so you can “nip it in the bud." The best and safest schools and communities are pro-active. Teach kids about the issue, it’s consequences, how to respond if they are victimized or know of someone being victimized.
For more information about cyber bullying, how to respond and prevent it, contact me at Balance Educational Services. We also have free lesson plans to teach empathy, friendship and respect. Let us know your experience and any strategies that have worked for you. We'll pass them along if you wish.
Steve
Teasing vs. Taunting
DACHER KELTNER wrote a long article entitled In Defense of Teasing (NY Times Magazine 12-5-08). A bit long-winded, in my opinion, but some passages rang true for me. I will share those passages and then my thoughts:
1. Today teasing has been all but banished from the lives of many children. In recent years, high-profile school shootings and teenage suicides have inspired a wave of “zero tolerance” movements in our schools. Accused teasers are now made to utter their teases in front of the class, under the stern eye of teachers. Children are given detention for sarcastic comments on the playground. Schools are decreed “teasing free.”
2. The reason teasing is viewed as inherently damaging is that it is too often confused with bullying. But bullying is something different; it’s aggression, pure and simple. Bullies steal, punch, kick, harass and humiliate. Sexual harassers grope, leer and make crude, often threatening passes. They’re pretty ineffectual flirts. By contrast, teasing is a mode of play, no doubt with a sharp edge, in which we provoke to negotiate life’s ambiguities and conflicts. And it is essential to making us fully human.
3. Teasing is just such an act of off-record communication: provocative commentary is shrouded in linguistic acts called “off-record markers” that suggest the commentary should not be taken literally. At the same time, teasing isn’t just goofing around. We tease to test bonds, and also to create them. To make it clear when we’re teasing, we use fleeting linguistic acts like alliteration, repetition, rhyming and, above all, exaggeration to signal that we don’t mean precisely what we’re saying. (“Playing the dozens,” a kind of ritualized teasing common in the inner city that is considered a precursor to rap, involves just this sort of rhyming: “Don’t talk about my mother ’cause you’ll make me mad/Don’t forget how many your mother had.”) We also often indicate we are teasing by going off-record with nonverbal gestures: elongated vowels and exaggerated pitch, mock expressions and the iconic wink, well-timed laughs and expressive caricatures. A whiny friend might be teased with a high-pitched imitation or a daughter might mock her obtuse father by mimicking his low-pitched voice. Preteens, sharp-tongued jesters that they are, tease their parents with exaggerated facial expressions of anger, disgust or fear, to satirize their guardians’ outdated moral indignation. Similarly, deadpan deliveries and asymmetrically raised eyebrows (Stephen Colbert), satirical smiles and edgy laughs (Jon Stewart) all signal that we don’t entirely mean what we say.
I think teasing is acceptable behavior as long as we define the difference between teasing and taunting (purposeful, hurtful comments). We need to make sure kids understand the difference between playful teasing and hurtful taunting so they can continue to use a very common type of humor, yet avoid bullying and the expression of disrespectful and insensitive behavior. Sharing this knowledge and practicing the skill will help them navigate the very powerful, difficult and fun concept of respectful humor.
The following excerpt from my book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression:
Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect (co-authored by Michael Dreiblatt and Karen Dreiblatt, Corwin Press) expresses how we at Balance Educational Services differentiate good humor and hurtful words.
Teasing is a playful use of humor that brings people together, lightens a mood, enhances a relationship, and makes people laugh. A funny person who can playfully tease is usually popular and able to maintain healthy friendships.
Playful teasing can be a good use of humor when it has the following qualities:
• It isn’t intended to hurt the other person.
• It’s funny in a lighthearted, clever, and gentle way; the comment lightens a mood.
• It’s stated in a tone of voice that is affectionate.
• It is mutual; meant to get both parties to laugh.
• It’s used to bring people closer together and make the relationship stronger.
• It maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved (nobody gets embarrassed or humiliated).
• The teasing can go back and forth—not limited to only one person being allowed to make the comments.
• It is only a small part of the activities between the people involved—teasing doesn’t define the whole relationship.
• It stops if someone becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• No one gets upset or wants revenge.
A person can also make others laugh by using humor inappropriately; this is when humor becomes hurtful taunting. When teasing is misused, purposefully or accidentally, problems tend to follow.
It is hurtful taunting when it has the following qualities:
• It is intended to upset another.
• It is one-sided—one person has a certain power and can make comments, but the other person cannot.
• It is mean, humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted.
• It is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target.
• It induces fear of further taunting or physical bullying.
• It continues even when the targeted person becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• It uses an angry, snide, or sarcastic tone of voice.
• Bystanders laugh, but not the target(s) of the comment.
• Aggressive body language is used—smirking, rolling eyes, raised hip, shaking head back and forth.
After articulating the difference between teasing and taunting (or whatever words is common to your culture) to kids, help them understand the concept by offering short scenarios in which they have to determine if the interchange between the characters is playful or hurtful. For example:
Bart asked people to stop calling him ‘Bart the Fart.’ Now they call him ‘Fathead Farty.’
1. Today teasing has been all but banished from the lives of many children. In recent years, high-profile school shootings and teenage suicides have inspired a wave of “zero tolerance” movements in our schools. Accused teasers are now made to utter their teases in front of the class, under the stern eye of teachers. Children are given detention for sarcastic comments on the playground. Schools are decreed “teasing free.”
2. The reason teasing is viewed as inherently damaging is that it is too often confused with bullying. But bullying is something different; it’s aggression, pure and simple. Bullies steal, punch, kick, harass and humiliate. Sexual harassers grope, leer and make crude, often threatening passes. They’re pretty ineffectual flirts. By contrast, teasing is a mode of play, no doubt with a sharp edge, in which we provoke to negotiate life’s ambiguities and conflicts. And it is essential to making us fully human.
3. Teasing is just such an act of off-record communication: provocative commentary is shrouded in linguistic acts called “off-record markers” that suggest the commentary should not be taken literally. At the same time, teasing isn’t just goofing around. We tease to test bonds, and also to create them. To make it clear when we’re teasing, we use fleeting linguistic acts like alliteration, repetition, rhyming and, above all, exaggeration to signal that we don’t mean precisely what we’re saying. (“Playing the dozens,” a kind of ritualized teasing common in the inner city that is considered a precursor to rap, involves just this sort of rhyming: “Don’t talk about my mother ’cause you’ll make me mad/Don’t forget how many your mother had.”) We also often indicate we are teasing by going off-record with nonverbal gestures: elongated vowels and exaggerated pitch, mock expressions and the iconic wink, well-timed laughs and expressive caricatures. A whiny friend might be teased with a high-pitched imitation or a daughter might mock her obtuse father by mimicking his low-pitched voice. Preteens, sharp-tongued jesters that they are, tease their parents with exaggerated facial expressions of anger, disgust or fear, to satirize their guardians’ outdated moral indignation. Similarly, deadpan deliveries and asymmetrically raised eyebrows (Stephen Colbert), satirical smiles and edgy laughs (Jon Stewart) all signal that we don’t entirely mean what we say.
I think teasing is acceptable behavior as long as we define the difference between teasing and taunting (purposeful, hurtful comments). We need to make sure kids understand the difference between playful teasing and hurtful taunting so they can continue to use a very common type of humor, yet avoid bullying and the expression of disrespectful and insensitive behavior. Sharing this knowledge and practicing the skill will help them navigate the very powerful, difficult and fun concept of respectful humor.
The following excerpt from my book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression:
Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect (co-authored by Michael Dreiblatt and Karen Dreiblatt, Corwin Press) expresses how we at Balance Educational Services differentiate good humor and hurtful words.
Teasing is a playful use of humor that brings people together, lightens a mood, enhances a relationship, and makes people laugh. A funny person who can playfully tease is usually popular and able to maintain healthy friendships.
Playful teasing can be a good use of humor when it has the following qualities:
• It isn’t intended to hurt the other person.
• It’s funny in a lighthearted, clever, and gentle way; the comment lightens a mood.
• It’s stated in a tone of voice that is affectionate.
• It is mutual; meant to get both parties to laugh.
• It’s used to bring people closer together and make the relationship stronger.
• It maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved (nobody gets embarrassed or humiliated).
• The teasing can go back and forth—not limited to only one person being allowed to make the comments.
• It is only a small part of the activities between the people involved—teasing doesn’t define the whole relationship.
• It stops if someone becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• No one gets upset or wants revenge.
A person can also make others laugh by using humor inappropriately; this is when humor becomes hurtful taunting. When teasing is misused, purposefully or accidentally, problems tend to follow.
It is hurtful taunting when it has the following qualities:
• It is intended to upset another.
• It is one-sided—one person has a certain power and can make comments, but the other person cannot.
• It is mean, humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted.
• It is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target.
• It induces fear of further taunting or physical bullying.
• It continues even when the targeted person becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• It uses an angry, snide, or sarcastic tone of voice.
• Bystanders laugh, but not the target(s) of the comment.
• Aggressive body language is used—smirking, rolling eyes, raised hip, shaking head back and forth.
After articulating the difference between teasing and taunting (or whatever words is common to your culture) to kids, help them understand the concept by offering short scenarios in which they have to determine if the interchange between the characters is playful or hurtful. For example:
‘As a new student, Bart was still trying to fit in and make friends. At lunch, someone slid a whoopee cushion on Bart’s seat. It made a farting sound when he sat down.
The other kids started calling Bart ‘Bart the Fart.’
Bart asked people to stop calling him ‘Bart the Fart.’ Now they call him ‘Fathead Farty.’
Bart is miserable.’
No one should tease another if they don’t know them well, don’t get along with them, or know they do not like being teased. To do so under those conditions would be taunting. Discuss with your kids or students what topics should never be teased about, such as a person’s religion, body type, etc. to limit hurtful behavior.
Good humor is very difficult to master and instead of prohibiting teasing, which I do not think is practical, I prefer teaching kids to understand what teasing is, to use it appropriately and when to refrain. These lessons will prepare them for the real world, inside and outside of school. Mistakes will still be made and some kids will test the boundaries so adults should be prepared to express respectful reminders and logical consequences that reduce these ‘mistakes.’
I know not every educator agrees with me, so please, share your thoughts.
Steve
Good humor is very difficult to master and instead of prohibiting teasing, which I do not think is practical, I prefer teaching kids to understand what teasing is, to use it appropriately and when to refrain. These lessons will prepare them for the real world, inside and outside of school. Mistakes will still be made and some kids will test the boundaries so adults should be prepared to express respectful reminders and logical consequences that reduce these ‘mistakes.’
I know not every educator agrees with me, so please, share your thoughts.
Steve
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