www.StandUpToBullying.net 802-362-5448 Info@StandUpToBullying.net There's No Such Thing as a Sl*t A new longitudinal study examined how college students sl*t-shame—and found that the practice is as illogical as it is damaging. OLGA KHAZAN Lara/Flickr In 2004, two women who were long past college age settled into a dorm room at a large public university in the Midwest. Elizabeth Armstrong, a sociology professor at the University of Michigan, and Laura Hamilton, then a graduate assistant and now a sociology professor at the University of California at Merced, were there to examine the daily lives and attitudes of college students. Like two Jane Goodalls in the jungle of American young adulthood, they did their observing in the students’ natural habitat. The researchers interviewed the 53 women on their floor every year for five years—from the time they were freshmen through their first year out of college. Their findings about the students’ academic success later formed the basis forPaying for the Party, their recent book about how the college experience bolsters inequality. They found that the women’s “trajectories were shaped not only by income ... but also by how much debt they carried, how much financial assistance they could expect from their parents, their social networks, and their financial prospects.” But in the process, they began to notice that the women’s attitudes about s*x were also influenced by their families’ incomes. On top of asking the students about GPAs and friend groups, the researchers also dug into their beliefs about morality—sometimes through direct questions, but often, simply by being present for a late-night squabble or a bashful confession. “We were there on the floor when these dramas would emerge about sl*t-bashing,” Armstrong told me. “We saw working class girls walk out of their dorms to visit boys, and the privileged girls would say, ‘why are you wearing that?’" As Armstrong and Hamilton write in a new study published in Social Psychology Quarterly, economic inequality drove many of the differences in the ways the women talked about appropriate s*xual behavior. All but five or six of the women practiced “sl*t-shaming,” or denigrating the other women for their loose s*xual mores. But they conflated their accusations of “sl*ttiness” with other, unrelated personality traits, like meanness or unattractiveness. It seems there was no better way to smear a dorm-mate than to suggest she was s*xually impure. “If you want to make a young woman feel bad, pulling out the term ‘sl*t’ is a sure fire way to do it,” Armstrong said. “It’s ‘she isn’t one of us, we don't like her and she's different.’” Because most of the sl*t-shaming occurred in private, women were both targets and producers of it, and it was rare for the term “sl*t” to stick to any one woman. Instead, the other women were simply foils for each others’ supposed s*xual virtue. One woman described her best friend like so: “She just keeps going over there because she wants his attention because she likes him. That’s disgusting. That to me, if you want to talk about sl*tty, that to me is wh*ring yourself out.” “I think when people have s*x with a lot of guys that aren’t their boyfriends, that’s really a sl*t." For her analysis, Armstrong divided the cohort in two, with wealthier women in one group and the working-class ones in the other. Each group tended to band together, with the poorer half feeling excluded from Greek life and other high-status social activities. Several of the low-income students, for example, balked at the cost of the $50 "rush" t-shirt, Armstrong said. The rich women tended to view casual s*x as problematic only when it was done outside of steady relationships, and even then, only when it included v*ginal intercourse. Meanwhile, frequent “hooking up,” which to them included kissing and oral s*x, did not a sl*t make. “I think when people have s*x with a lot of guys that aren’t their boyfriends, that’s really a sl*t,” as one put it. The poorer women, by contrast, were unaware that “hooking up,” in the parlance of the rich women, excluded v*ginal intercourse. They also tended to think all s*x and hook-ups should occur primarily within a relationship. The two classes of women also defined “sl*ttiness” differently, but neither definition had much to do with s*xual behavior. The rich ones saw it as “trashiness,” or anything that implied an inability to dress and behave like an upper-middle-class person. One woman, for example, “noted that it was acceptable for women to ‘have a short skirt on’ if ‘they’re being cool’ but ‘if they’re dancing really gross with a short skirt on, then like, oh sl*t.’” The poorer women, meanwhile, would regard the richer ones as “sl*tty” for their seeming rudeness and proclivity for traveling in tight-knit herds. As one woman said, “Sorority girls are kind of wh*rish and unfriendly and very cliquey.” Armstrong notes that midway through their college experience, none of the women had made any friendships across the income divide. To Armstrong, it seemed like even though the wealthy and poor women were sl*t-shamed roughly equally in private, it was mostly only the poor women who faced public sl*t-shaming. And it only seemed to happen when the poorer women tried to make inroads with the richer ones. “There was one instance where one of the [working class] women, Stacey, was watching the show The OC and made some comment about the s*xual behavior of one of the characters of the show,” Armstrong told me. “And a rich woman, Chelsea, said something like, ‘Oh, you're such a sl*t yourself, you shouldn't be calling her out.’ It was supposed to be a joke, but it misfired and [Stacey] ran crying from the room.” A series of emissaries were sent up and down the hall in an attempt to make amends, but the damage had been done. “None of the other women in the room chimed in to defend Stacey’s virtue,” Armstrong notes. By Armstrong’s tally, more rich women than poor women took part in hook-ups throughout college. The poorer women seemed to notice that their wealthier dorm-mates were more s*xual, but felt they couldn’t get away with being similarly libertine. The wealthier women, meanwhile, seemed unfazed by accusations of sl*ttiness if they came from their lower-status peers. (Think of Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian, for whom public displays of s*xuality were the rocket fuel on which they jetted to fame.) “The high-status women would literally snub or look through the poorer women,” Armstrong said. “They would blow them off entirely. We spent a lot of time asking who would say hi to who; who would let the door slam in someone's face.” According to Armstrong, one sorority member said, “I only see people who are Greek; I don't know who the other students are. They are like extras.” The rampant sl*t-shaming, Armstrong found, was only a symptom of the women’s entrenched classism. But more importantly, the allegations of sl*ttiness had little to do with real-life behavior. The woman with the most s*xual partners in the study, a rich girl named Rory, also had the most sterling reputation—largely because she was an expert at concealing her s*xual history. “Rory was going to lie till the day she died. She would only have s*x with guys who didn't know each other." “Rory was going to lie till the day she died,” Armstrong said. “She would only have s*x with guys who didn't know each other. She constantly misrepresented what she was doing and didn't tell people where she was going.” One of the most striking things Armstrong learned was that, despite the pervasiveness of sl*t-shaming, there was no cogent definition of sl*ttiness, or of girls who were sl*tty, or even evidence that the supposedly sl*tty behavior had transpired. In the study, she notes that though “women were convinced that sl*ts exist” and worked to avoid the label, some of their descriptions of sl*ttiness were so imprecise (‘‘had s*x with a guy in front of everybody”) that they seemed to be referring to some sort of apocrypha—“a mythical sl*t.” “The term is so vague and slippery that no one knows what a sl*t was or no one knows what you have to do to be that,” she told me. “It circulated around, though, so everyone could worry about it being attached to them.” Perhaps no recent example of sl*t-shaming is as horrifying as the shooting in Santa Barbara last week. Before killing seven people in his rampage, Elliot Rodger vowed to “slaughter every single spoiled, stuck-up blonde sl*t”— all while complaining that those very same “sl*ts” refused to sleep with him. To Armstrong, the shooting highlighted that “sl*t” is simply a misogynistic catch-all, a verbal utility knife that young people use to control women and create hierarchies. There may be no real sl*ts, in other words, but there are real and devastating consequences to sl*t-shaming. Do your students use these words? -- Learn how to stop it. 802-362-5448 -- Info@StandUpToBullying.net 802-362-5448 Our evidence-based programs dramatically improve the culture of your school.   BULLYING PREVENTION BOOKS, DVDS, AND POSTERS Shipping and handling is included on all orders. Fax purchase orders to: 802-549-5024 DVD Books Posters Info@StandUpToBullying.net Can you define bullying?How can teachers stop bullying? What are the different types of bullying? What is the difference between playful teasing verses hurtful taunting? How do I teach students to forgive themselves? What is verbal bullying?What is physical bullying?Who are the bystanders?What are bystander responsibilities?What are the ways to stop bullying?How should students respond to verbal bullying? 802-362-5448 Providing dynamic and practical anti-bullying workshops to students, staff and parents, Mike Dreiblatt teaches realistic bullying prevention strategies and best practices that can be used immediately to STOP bullying.Bullying Prevention PSAs!!! Mike In Action - YouTube Clips!!! Sexual Harassment Prevention Staff Professional DevelopmentWorkplace Bullying and Harassment Student, Staff, Parent Workshops Info@StandUpToBullying.net **District Tour Specials** Competitive Rates are available when multiple schools in your area schedule together for our District Packages.  ©2014 www.StandUpToBullying.net | Info@StandUpToBullying.net 802-362-5448 -- 136 Clover Lane Manchester Center Vermont 05255

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No Name-Calling Week

Having trouble viewing this email? Please click here Forward to a Friend Unsubscribe To ensure delivery, please add mike@balanceeducation.net to your address book. www.BalanceEducationalServices.com The Leader in Bullying Prevention No Name-Calling Week No Name-Calling Week was inspired by a young adult novel entitled "The Misfits" by popular author, James Howe. The book tells the story of four best friends trying to survive the seventh grade in the face of all too frequent taunts based on their weight, height, intelligence, and sexual orientation/gender expression. Motivated by the inequities they see around them, the "Gang of Five" (as they are known) creates a new political party during student council elections and run on a platform aimed at wiping out name-calling of all kinds. The No-Name Party in the end, wins the support of the school's principal for their cause and their idea for a "No Name-Calling Day" at school. Motivated by this simple, yet powerful, idea, the No Name-Calling Week Coalition created by GLSEN and Simon & Schuster Children's publishing, consisting of over 40 national partner organizations, organized an actual No Name-Calling Week in schools across the nation. The project seeks to focus national attention on the problem of name-calling in schools, and to provide students and educators with the tools and inspiration to launch an on-going dialogue about ways to eliminate name-calling in their communities. 1. What is No Name-Calling Week? No Name-Calling Week is an annual week of educational activities aimed at ending name-calling of all kinds and providing schools with the tools and inspiration to launch an on-going dialogue about ways to eliminate bullying in their communities. 2. Who should participate? Anyone who wants to work towards eliminating harmful name-calling, harassment and bullying in their school can be a part of No Name-Calling Week, whether you are a teacher, student, guidance counselor, coach, librarian or bus driver. The curricular materials on this web site and in the Resource Kit are primarily aimed at middle school students, specifically grades 5-8, but may be modified for older or younger students. Feel free to download materials off this web site, or order the Resource Kit and create your own No Name-Calling Week initiative in your community. 3. How do I order a kit, how much is it, and how long will it take to get it? You can order your kit by clicking here and filling out the order form. The resource kit is $129.95, and will arrive at your door within 3-7 business days from the time you place your order. Expedited shipping service is available upon request. 4. What are some things I can do to promote No Name-Calling Week in my school right now? Click here to plan your No Name-Calling Week. When Was The Last Time Your Staff Had Bullying Prevention Training??? Every morning there are students who dread the approaching school day. Bullying prevention and anti-bullying training are critical in creating an environment conducive to learning. By adopting proven bullying prevention techniques and anti-bullying strategies teachers, staff, and bus drivers can all become active participants in bullying prevention. Make a commitment at your school to stop bullying and begin the process of preventing bullying before it begins. · Research shows that victims of prolonged bullying will eventually become withdrawn or aggressive; in extreme cases, suicidal or violently retaliative. · Research shows that schools with unified violence prevention program cut their incidents of violence up to 50% and increase their academic standing. Mike Dreiblatt provides specific and helpful information on all types of bullying prevention to students, teachers, and parents. His "Stop Bullying" workshops and presentations encourage audience participation through activities and role-playing. Learn how to STOP BULLYING today! Mike@BalanceEducationalServices.com Mike Dreiblatt is the co-founder of Balance Educational Services, LLC, and an outstanding national speaker and author. Mike provides dynamic, practical seminars and workshops to whole school communities: students, school staff, administrators, parents and community members. Using humor and practical strategies, Mike teaches best practices and realistic strategies that can be used immediately. A former teacher, Mike is an expert in bullying and violence prevention, character education, and discipline of students with special needs. See Mike In Action!!! http://www.youtube.com/user/MDreiblatt?feature=mhee http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLeiU6jasZQ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukCyLeQduzo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7AZIooa1fM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LOuhFazEe8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC9O1j13IJM Is Your Staff Really Prepared??? Testimonials I like that your program is research-based, it fits perfectly with our curriculum goals. Your examples were right on especially in regard to cyber bullying. Christian Educator CO Great! Mike was easily understood and clear in his objectives. Very articulate, clear, concise & knowledgeable. Examples were current and perfect for the school setting. High School Principal GA I loved the pace of this seminar – fast & funny. I also loved the role-plays and how you made all of the information come to life. Middle School Principal MA Thank you so much for the excellent presentation yesterday. I have been to endless seminars, and unfortunately it is rare that I have come away with so much practical information, and food for thought. Middle School Teacher NJ So much information packed into so little time! Great use of our professional development time and dollars. Assistant Superintendent OH The best seminar I’ve been to in years. Full of real-life detail and practical information that I will take back and use right away. High School Teacher VT Bullying Prevention Workshops Call Now: 802-362-5448 $36.95 (includes S/H) Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect Fax POs to 1-802-549-5024 Balance Educational Services 136 Clover Lane Manchester Center, Vt 05255 Click Here to Purchase Mike's book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression, has been recognized as a practical resource to teach and reinforce character development and pro-social behavior. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ8gNzZwxA0&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yk9cq4vI9g This user-friendly resource provides K–8 teachers, school administrators, and counselors with fun, interactive lessons and activities that support students' safety and well-being, promote healthy social-emotional development, and improve academic achievement. Using role plays and sample scripts that can be adapted to specific situations, the authors illustrate how to teach critical concepts and behaviors, including how to stand up to a bully and how to stop another student from bullying. In clear, jargon-free language, this research-based book helps school districts meet the curriculum requirements of recently enacted bullying laws by fostering positive youth development around issues of respect, conflict resolution, and interpersonal relationships. Readers will also find: · Sidebars and icons that highlight important information · A supply list of commonly found classroom items within each lesson for quick and easy implementation · Illustrations and unit tests for students' review · Suggestions for enhancing lessons ​ How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression helps educators engage bullies, victims, and bystanders at their own level and teach healthy behaviors to create safe, healthy schools. Book Reviews "This timely book includes perfectly sequenced, content-enriched, practical lessons that will enhance any anti-bullying effort. The student-focused activities will facilitate and maintain learning of important anti-bullying concepts that can never be overemphasized." —Allan L. Beane, Author of The Bully Free Classroom "A practical book packed with the kinds of anti-bullying strategies that teachers, coaches, therapists, and kids regularly request. Every chapter is packed with tips on how to stay physically and emotionally safe when bullying occurs, and children are coached to practice assertive behaviors and avoid the victim role." —Cheryl Dellasega, Author of Mean Girls Grown Up

Bullying Changes a School, One Child at a Time

Standing Up to a Bully

If your child is verbally bullied, teach him or her how to respond effectively. Discuss the following strategies with your child. Practicing the strategies with you or another trusted adult will help develop the confidence to end the bullying. If the bullying is happening at school, speak to your child's classroom teacher or advisor so they can help.

Ignore the Bully
Teach your child to ignore the bully. Your child should not make faces, cry, sigh, or make any gesture signaling distress. Often, when bullies don't get a reaction, they stop.

Walk Away
Your child can choose to walk away in a confident manner - head up, back straight and with a normal walking pace. Your child needs to be aware of being followed and walk to a safer place, usually near adults. If the bully says mean things, continue to ignore and walk away.

Tell the Bully to "Stop"

Keeping a distance of 1½ to 2 arm lengths, have your child say, "Stop!" or, "Cut it out!" Teach your child to:
Make eye contact.
Express confident body language; head up, back straight, arms down in front or on the side of the body and feet at shoulder width. No fidgeting!
Speak clearly - a steady tone, not too loud, too soft, whiny or sarcastic.
Make short statements such as, "Stop!" or "Cut it out!"
Then turn and walk away.

Go to a Trusted Adult

When other strategies fail, or there is immediate danger, tell your child to go to a trusted adult. This is not tattling; this is requesting assistance with a serious problem.

©2008 http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=4cd8vqcab.0.0.jt48c7bab.0&ts=S0361&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.balanceeducationalservices.com%2F&id=preview Permission is granted to use this article.

What Students Need to Know About Cyber Bullying

Cyber bullying is intentional wrongdoing and the cyber bully can be held responsible by a court of law under the following circumstances:
-Publishing a false statement about another which is damaging to their reputation
-Publicly disclosing a private fact about another
-Breaking into someone's account
-Purposely causing someone emotional distress

The following actions may be considered criminal, regardless if it happens online or directly:
-Making threats of violence to people or their property
-Trying to force someone to do something he or she doesn't want to do
-Sending obscene or harassing text messages, emails, pictures, telephone calls, etc.
-Harassment or stalking
-Creating or sending sexually explicit images of teens (considered child pornography even if sent by another child)
-Taking a photo of someone in place where privacy is expected (locker room, bathroom, etc.)

(c) 2009 http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=4enbmwcab.0.0.jt48c7bab.0&ts=S0385&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.balanceeducationalservices.com%2F&id=preview
Permission is granted to use this article with full credit.

For more information and other bully prevention strategies, contact Balance Educational Services at 1-802-362-5448 info@BalanceEducationalServices.com

Movie: An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong -- My thoughts

I recently viewed the movie An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong. It’s about a fourth grader and her friends who deal with bullying from a more popular girl in their class. I recommend it for kids between 2nd and 5th grade. Older kids might enjoy it, too, and I’m sure can relate to some of the bullying issues and how easily some adults just ‘miss’ the aggressive behaviors that is right in front of their face. Children, parents and educators can all learn good bully prevention strategies which is the strong point of this movie.

The bullying was realistic and showed examples of physical, verbal, social and cyber bullying. Some of the bullying was more sophisticated than average 4th graders might express, but then again, some bullies are way above average. Chrissa, the main victim, and other victims were typical 4th grade girls who, realistically, didn’t know how to deal with the situation. The bullying continued until situations had risen to a level whereby parents and teachers had to be involved. Often, the kids themselves made some very good choices, too, to stop the bullying.

The adults didn’t handle the situations very well at first. For instance, trying to find out who the main culprit was in a given situation, the principal and classroom teacher asked the students for information while all the students - victims, aggressors, and bystanders - were all together. Of course, no one was willing to risk speaking up. Separate discussions would be much more effective. Also, some of the consequences imparted on the aggressors had nothing to do with the bullying. I would have liked to see consequences that would teach pro-social behaviors and empathy instead of suspension and ‘towel clean-up’ that had nothing to do with the offense. Changing behavior and/or teaching replacement skills is a lot more effective in stopping a bully from bullying again. Of course, if the adults had taught all the students how to react to bullying before bullying began, and/or had ‘nipped’ the bullying in the bud before it got severe, this would have been a very short movie.

The movie accurately expressed how confusing a bullying situation can be for any young child. Without information and strategies to deal with bullying, the children in this movie used trial and error solutions such as hiding in toilet stalls, staying home from school, and avoiding after school activities. They were also hesitant to talk to adults. Fortunately, it addressed these realistic responses with ultimately having the children learn that talking to an adult is not tattling, but asking for help. Ultimately, the adults were very helpful. To move the story along, the writer had them be somewhat clueless and naïve at first, but they were always supportive and came through in the end to help the victims.

The movie is enjoyable to watch and many youngsters will be able to relate to the storyline. I recommend the movie as an opportunity to discuss bullying with children and strategies they can implement if they are bullied or witness bullying. In real life, we want kids and adults to know how to stop bullying before it becomes an abusive situation that last for weeks. At the risk of being self-serving, using the lessons and activities in our book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression would help children learn the skills the characters in the movie would have appreciated, such as how to stand up to a bully, how to stop a peer from bullying another, and how to determine when talking to an adult is telling and not tattling.

Check out the table of contents of our book to get idea of what skills kids need to develop to stop bullying. Or, for sample lessons go to http://balanceeducationalservices.com/resources.html

If you saw the movie, share your thoughts.

Steve

Radio Interview Posted

Happy New Year everyone!

We have a new 20 minute radio interview posted to our website. It’s a clear, concise and interesting (even if I say so myself) interview by veteran radio man Rich Ryder of WBTN in Vermont, USA. On our "media page" click on the link under "Hear Mike and Steve" that reads "Radio Interview - WBTN."

Feel free to share the interview with any friends, or friends who have children or students, who are having issues with bullying.

We wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2009

Steve

Another Celebrity Steps Up to Stop Bullying

We get a lot of hits when we write about celebrities and bullying. Here's another story:

Lord of the Rings star Sir Ian McKellen went back to his home town in Wigan, UK to help a school launch a project to combat homophobic bullying (article). He’s working with a charity to promote safe and inclusive learning environments for youngsters and establish practical methods of addressing homophobia in schools.

Let’s hope that Gandalf the Wizard and/or Magneto (in the X-Men movies) can influence the kids to be more respectful and tolerant. Hollywood can influence kids to be naughty or nice. Here’s another example of using star-power for good.

If any of our UK readers have more details about Sir Ian's involvement with his hometown schools, please send it along.

Send any stories about celebrities helping to stop bullying. We'll post them.

Steve