Standing Up to a Bully

If your child is verbally bullied, teach him or her how to respond effectively. Discuss the following strategies with your child. Practicing the strategies with you or another trusted adult will help develop the confidence to end the bullying. If the bullying is happening at school, speak to your child's classroom teacher or advisor so they can help.

Ignore the Bully
Teach your child to ignore the bully. Your child should not make faces, cry, sigh, or make any gesture signaling distress. Often, when bullies don't get a reaction, they stop.

Walk Away
Your child can choose to walk away in a confident manner - head up, back straight and with a normal walking pace. Your child needs to be aware of being followed and walk to a safer place, usually near adults. If the bully says mean things, continue to ignore and walk away.

Tell the Bully to "Stop"

Keeping a distance of 1½ to 2 arm lengths, have your child say, "Stop!" or, "Cut it out!" Teach your child to:
Make eye contact.
Express confident body language; head up, back straight, arms down in front or on the side of the body and feet at shoulder width. No fidgeting!
Speak clearly - a steady tone, not too loud, too soft, whiny or sarcastic.
Make short statements such as, "Stop!" or "Cut it out!"
Then turn and walk away.

Go to a Trusted Adult

When other strategies fail, or there is immediate danger, tell your child to go to a trusted adult. This is not tattling; this is requesting assistance with a serious problem.

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What will I learn?

Learn fun and interactive lesson plans that teach pro-social behaviors and fulfill State education requirements.

Attendees will learn how to:

* Create a 'same page' understanding of bullying, social aggression and harassment throughout the school

* Teach all staff an easy 4-Step response to stop bullying quickly

* Implement consequences that replace bullying with pro-social behavior

* Teach targets of bullying how to stand up to a bully safely and effectively

* Teach student bystanders to stop others from bullying

* Recognize the dynamics of social aggression

* Apply practical strategies to confront social aggression and cyber bullying

What Students Need to Know About Cyber Bullying

Cyber bullying is intentional wrongdoing and the cyber bully can be held responsible by a court of law under the following circumstances:
-Publishing a false statement about another which is damaging to their reputation
-Publicly disclosing a private fact about another
-Breaking into someone's account
-Purposely causing someone emotional distress

The following actions may be considered criminal, regardless if it happens online or directly:
-Making threats of violence to people or their property
-Trying to force someone to do something he or she doesn't want to do
-Sending obscene or harassing text messages, emails, pictures, telephone calls, etc.
-Harassment or stalking
-Creating or sending sexually explicit images of teens (considered child pornography even if sent by another child)
-Taking a photo of someone in place where privacy is expected (locker room, bathroom, etc.)

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Permission is granted to use this article with full credit.

For more information and other bully prevention strategies, contact Balance Educational Services at 1-802-362-5448 info@BalanceEducationalServices.com

Teen Commits Suicide Due to Bullying: Parents Sue School for Son's Death

Eric Mohat, 17, was harassed so mercilessly in high school that when one bully said publicly in class, "Why don't you go home and shoot yourself, no one will miss you," he did.
In a federal lawsuit, the parents of Eric Mohat allege that their son committed suicide after being tormented by bullies at his Mentor, Ohio, High School. They say the school knew about the bullying and failed to protect their son.

Now his parents, William and Janis Mohat of Mentor, Ohio, have filed a lawsuit in federal court, saying that their son endured name-calling, teasing, constant pushing and shoving and hitting in front of school officials who should have protected him.
The lawsuit -- filed March 27, alleges that the quiet but likable boy, who was involved in theater and music, was called "gay," "fag," "queer" and "homo" and often in front of his teachers. Most of the harassment took place in math class and the teacher -- an athletic coach -- was accused of failing to protect the boy.
"When you lose a child like this it destroys you in ways you can't even describe," Eric Mohat's father told ABCNews.com.
The parents aren't seeking any compensation; rather, they are asking that Mentor High School recognize their son's death as a "bullicide" and put in place what they believe is a badly needed anti-bullying program.

By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES ABC News

YouTube’s Abuse and Safety Center

Cyber bullying began with abusive text messaging, emails and websites. Then it carried over to social networks sites and videos transmitted over cell phones. Videos uploaded to YouTube have become another way to bully.

ISPs (internet service providers), cell phone carriers, social networks sites, and now YouTube have rules against such behavior, but these rules are rarely enforced. Still, the companies which provide the means for cyber bullying are, apparently, trying to take enforcement to the next level. Or so they publicize.

I read an article stating that YouTube, in its desire to be a safe and more appealing destination, has created a section on its site called the Abuse and Safety Center. The section offers information, reporting mechanisms, and resources for privacy and safety issues, including cyber bullying, hateful content and spam.

These providers create the means for reporting and stopping bullying. But users have to take advantage of it. Has anyone found that reporting cyber bullying to an ISP, social network or YouTube has helped stop cyber bullying? Did the service providers respond effectively? Did it empower the victims (targets) of the bullying? I’d like to share your stories on this blog and in our bully prevention presentations to students, educators and parents.

Send us your stories.
Steve

Kids Helping Bullied Kids

Kids are a big part of any bully prevention strategy.

Mike and I teach students how to stop bullying, not only if they are the victim, but if they see, hear or know about bullying towards others. Bystanders of bullying are the largest constituent of the bullying dynamic.

We teach students how to stop another from bullying, peacefully, safely and with limited risk to their social status. Choices include:
1. Tell the bullies to stop
2. Separate the bullies away from the person being bullied
3. Separate the person being bullied away from the bullies
4. Report to a trusted adult (it’s not tattling if you are helping someone)

There are other options, too. I came across two stories that are great examples of kids helping bullied kids.

The first story (Bully Control) is about a girl, Olivia, who had been directly bullied and cyber bullied. Two teen sisters from another school heard about this girl through a story in the San Francisco Chronicle. They launched a letter-writing campaign in which their classmates would write letters of encouragement to this girl. The idea gained popularity and more schools became involved. Then the media began reporting on Olivia's plight and the girls' campaign. Letters and e-mails poured in from all over the world with best wishes for Olivia.

The article included the steps the sisters had to go through, including working with adults, to lend support in a very compassionate and respectful manner. These steps would be helpful if you wanted to help kids do a similar act of kindness. P.S. This campaign of compassion was so successful they published a book called "Letters to a Bullied Girl: Messages of Healing and Hope."


The 2nd story is titled “Schools Awash in Pink Thursday for Stand Up to Bullying Day.” After a 9th grader was picked on for wearing a pink shirt on the first day of school last year at Central Kings School in Canada, two 12th grade students decided to take a stand against bullying. These students went out and bought pink shirts and gave them out to their classmates at their school, who wore them en masse to support the student who had been bullied and to send a message to bullies everywhere – back off. Since then, Stand Up Against Bullying Day was proclaimed by Premier Rodney MacDonald of Nova Scotia, Canada.

This particular story is from September, yet articles about schools with students taking similar initiatives (for instance, Students Wear Pink to Oppose Bullying) continue to come across my computer screen.

Teaching kids to help kids is a great bully prevention technique and can make every day ‘Stand up to a Bully’ day.

Balance Educational Services encourages you to share these stories with your students or children. It’s a great way to teach and reinforce empathy and social responsibility.

Please write us if you know of students who are doing other bully prevention activities. We’ll pass it along.

Steve

Anti-bullying laws--help or hinder

Last month, we at www.BalanceEducationalServices.com, sent a newsletter to some of our readers concerning their states' bullying laws. One of our readers, a principal, commented about a proposed anti-bullying law.

Our reader stated "...Please realize that school personnel are working as hard as possible to deal with the problem in schools. There is nothing a law can do other than to create more paperwork and red tape, thus reducing the time that educators are able to actually work with kids. Probably the biggest help that a legislature could offer for this problem would be a law regulating kids' access to media offerings that model bullying behaviors. But the law that was proposed in Massachusetts simply added more requirements for schools to write and file reports about anti-bullying plans, thus adding yet another layer of paperwork and reducing the time I can spend actually working with kids and teachers."

I commented back thanking her for her insightful comments and I have thought about what she wrote. She was right that a law which creates more paperwork and red tape and takes away valuable teaching time would be counterproductive. On the other hand, a law that requires staff to intervene or report bullying to a higher authority when witnessed, would go a long way in lessening incidents of bullying. A law that requires staff to be appropriately trained in bully prevention techniques would be even more beneficial. At times it may feel unnecessary to have a law requiring such common sense actions as having staff intervene or be appropriately trained to stop inappropriate behavior. Unfortunately, too may staff members are not responding to bullying in an effective way, mostly due to lack of training. It is equally unfortunate that many schools and school districts would not provide appropriate training for their staff unless prompted to by law. Another layer of paperwork doesn’t help anyone. Another layer of training, especially for our paraprofessionals, aides, and bus drivers, the ones who are more likely to witness bullying, is invaluable.

I thanked her for her insightful comments. And thanked her for the good work she and her staff do on behalf of students.

What did you think about anti-bullying laws? Help or hinder? Post your comments now. Mike

YouTube Joins Forces to Stop Cyber Bullying

In a much welcomed move, YouTube has announced that it will no longer host video of school fights. The video uploading giant has pulled school fight video and is asking site users to help police the site. What brings this great change about? Thank the Vallejo City Unified School District of Vallejo, California.

Look back at my last blog, School Approves Cyber Bullying Ban, and you'll see that on Wednesday, the Vallejo City USD Board of Directors unanimously passed a new policy that specifically bans the recording of school fights. As a follow up, Vallejo school officials sent a letter to YouTube asking that they remove all school fight videos. Happily, YouTube has agreed.

Kudos to the Vallejo City USD and YouTube.

Karen

School Approves Cyber Bullying Ban

Yesterday, the Vallejo City Unified School District Board of Directors, in Vallejo, California, voted unanimously to approve a new policy designed to stop students from recording fights with their camera cell phones and then posting them on-line at sites such as YouTube. The new policy also aims to prevent alternate forms of cell phone related cyber bullying, such as abusive text messages.

Case law already addresses this issue, so is this new policy necessary? I think it is.

Case law involving the off campus/on campus nexus states that schools must address any incident which creates a hostile environment or impacts learning, whether or not the incident occurs on or off the school campus. This is all fine and good, but the Vallejo City USD policy specifically lays out rules regarding cell phone use on campus. In doing so, it spells out what is and is not acceptable, along with the consequences. In other words, students and parents now have a clear understanding of what the expectation is, and staff have a clear understanding of what their response should be. To me, clearly defined expectations and consequences are much more effective in changing school climate than case law, which is ususally unknown to students and parents.

What do you think? How does your school address this growing problem?

Karen

Teaching Your Kids How to Respond to a Bully

Mike and I present bully prevention workshops for parents throughout the country. We provide best practices that are effective, safe and empowering. Our experience has been that when it comes to their kids getting bullied, most parents understand that a physical response or verbal comeback does more harm than good.

Of course, they want to know what to suggest to their child to stop the bullying while maintaining safety and self-esteem. Many parents are familiar with suggestions such as ignore verbal taunts, walk away when someone is bothering you and telling the bully, “Stop.” They ask if these are valid strategies.

The answer is yes, they are effective strategies -- when done correctly. The key to success is the details and practice. We teach the detail of these strategies through role-playing (very effective and a lot of fun for Mike as he gets to bully me).

When I role-play ignoring or walking away from Mike the Bully, I do it without showing emotion or gesturing in any manner that will reinforce him. My style expresses confidence and a refusal to get caught in his trap. I show the audience how to “be boring” so the bully just gives up. Simply put, I’m no fun to bully.

And when I choose to tell the bully to “Stop” or “Cut it out,” I keep a distance of 1.5 - 2 arm lengths while making eye contact and using strong body language and tone of voice. Strong body language means my head is up, my back straight and my hands are by my sides or down in front. I limit any extra movement in my body, head and eyes. My tone of voice is controlled, yet neutral; it expresses seriousness and confidence.

Although the suggestions aren’t necessarily new to our audience, our “show” demonstrates the details of these strategies and parents literally see the importance of role-playing bullying scenarios with their child in a safe environment. Role-playing is vital for children to be confident that when they are in an actual bullying situation, and there is real emotion involved, they can respond effectively to stop the bullying.

Ultimately, audience members say, “This is great stuff! I’ve been writing notes on your handouts, but do you have those details in a book?” In the past, we’d respond, “We’re working on it.” As most of our readers know, our book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression, is now available. Although written for educators, each lesson and activity can be taught, discussed and practiced at home between parent and child(ren). Chapter 5, Teaching Assertiveness and Chapter 6, Responding to a Bully, detail these strategies in an easy to read manner with fun activities to practice.

Thanks for asking and as always, we look forward to your feedback.

Steve
For more information on how to prevent bullying, visit the bullying experts at http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/index.html.