Email or IM the following:
"I really don't want to talk about this online."
"I think it's easier to talk about this over the phone or in person."
"Can I call you right now? (or, "Can we talk tomorrow at school at [suggested time]?").
If the other person continues the fight, log off.
What to do if you are being cyber-bullied
People who cyber bully do so because it makes them feel powerful. Anything you can do to give the impression that you are not bothered will make it less satisfying for the cyber-bully. For example:
Turn off your computer or cell phone -- Being ignored gets boring for the bully.
Block mean messages -- 71% of teens think that blocking abusive messages is the most effeective way to prevent cyber-bullying. ISPs, email programs and social network programs have information about blocking messages.
Don't respond or cyber-bully back -- You don't have to be a doormat, but don't be provoked into retaliating because that is exactly what the bully wants. Don't play their game!
Talk to an adult you trust -- Let them know what you need them to do (and not do) to put a stop to the bullying. It's also a good idea to try and tell the people that you live with. Being bullied can cause changes in your behavior that will worry them. If they know what's going on, they'll be more understanding.
Print it out or save it -- If you're receiving bullying messages of any kind, print them out or save them. You, and the adults in your life, may want the evidence if you ever decide to take action against a cyber-bully.
Address your feelings -- Being bullied can feel really bad. Talk to a friend or trusted adult, write out your feelings in a journal, express your feelings through art, music or creative writing.
Participate in activities that you are good at and make you feel good -- Being bullied is upsetting. Being involved in activities you enjoy can help cancel out the way the cyber-bully makes you feel.
Post how you respond to a cyber-fight.
Remember to go to www.BalanceEducationalSevices.com for more bullying prevention ideas.
Showing posts with label teasing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teasing. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Teen Commits Suicide Due to Bullying: Parents Sue School for Son's Death
Eric Mohat, 17, was harassed so mercilessly in high school that when one bully said publicly in class, "Why don't you go home and shoot yourself, no one will miss you," he did.
In a federal lawsuit, the parents of Eric Mohat allege that their son committed suicide after being tormented by bullies at his Mentor, Ohio, High School. They say the school knew about the bullying and failed to protect their son.
Now his parents, William and Janis Mohat of Mentor, Ohio, have filed a lawsuit in federal court, saying that their son endured name-calling, teasing, constant pushing and shoving and hitting in front of school officials who should have protected him.
The lawsuit -- filed March 27, alleges that the quiet but likable boy, who was involved in theater and music, was called "gay," "fag," "queer" and "homo" and often in front of his teachers. Most of the harassment took place in math class and the teacher -- an athletic coach -- was accused of failing to protect the boy.
"When you lose a child like this it destroys you in ways you can't even describe," Eric Mohat's father told ABCNews.com.
The parents aren't seeking any compensation; rather, they are asking that Mentor High School recognize their son's death as a "bullicide" and put in place what they believe is a badly needed anti-bullying program.
By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES ABC News
In a federal lawsuit, the parents of Eric Mohat allege that their son committed suicide after being tormented by bullies at his Mentor, Ohio, High School. They say the school knew about the bullying and failed to protect their son.
Now his parents, William and Janis Mohat of Mentor, Ohio, have filed a lawsuit in federal court, saying that their son endured name-calling, teasing, constant pushing and shoving and hitting in front of school officials who should have protected him.
The lawsuit -- filed March 27, alleges that the quiet but likable boy, who was involved in theater and music, was called "gay," "fag," "queer" and "homo" and often in front of his teachers. Most of the harassment took place in math class and the teacher -- an athletic coach -- was accused of failing to protect the boy.
"When you lose a child like this it destroys you in ways you can't even describe," Eric Mohat's father told ABCNews.com.
The parents aren't seeking any compensation; rather, they are asking that Mentor High School recognize their son's death as a "bullicide" and put in place what they believe is a badly needed anti-bullying program.
By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES ABC News
Monday, December 22, 2008
Just read a interesting story about offensive lineman for the University of Nebraska, Matt Slauson. Slauson talks honestly about problems faced by children who are different. In Matt’s case, the differences were his stuttering and his size. Life can have extra challenges for those who are different, but Matt faced his speech challenges head on. He also used his size to his advantage. See our November 25th blog about ending bullying by building up socially acceptable skills. Read the story about Matt at http://www.ketv.com/cnn-news/18336632/detail.html. Get bully prevention resources at http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/resources.html.
Mike
Mike
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Teasing vs. Taunting
DACHER KELTNER wrote a long article entitled In Defense of Teasing (NY Times Magazine 12-5-08). A bit long-winded, in my opinion, but some passages rang true for me. I will share those passages and then my thoughts:
1. Today teasing has been all but banished from the lives of many children. In recent years, high-profile school shootings and teenage suicides have inspired a wave of “zero tolerance” movements in our schools. Accused teasers are now made to utter their teases in front of the class, under the stern eye of teachers. Children are given detention for sarcastic comments on the playground. Schools are decreed “teasing free.”
2. The reason teasing is viewed as inherently damaging is that it is too often confused with bullying. But bullying is something different; it’s aggression, pure and simple. Bullies steal, punch, kick, harass and humiliate. Sexual harassers grope, leer and make crude, often threatening passes. They’re pretty ineffectual flirts. By contrast, teasing is a mode of play, no doubt with a sharp edge, in which we provoke to negotiate life’s ambiguities and conflicts. And it is essential to making us fully human.
3. Teasing is just such an act of off-record communication: provocative commentary is shrouded in linguistic acts called “off-record markers” that suggest the commentary should not be taken literally. At the same time, teasing isn’t just goofing around. We tease to test bonds, and also to create them. To make it clear when we’re teasing, we use fleeting linguistic acts like alliteration, repetition, rhyming and, above all, exaggeration to signal that we don’t mean precisely what we’re saying. (“Playing the dozens,” a kind of ritualized teasing common in the inner city that is considered a precursor to rap, involves just this sort of rhyming: “Don’t talk about my mother ’cause you’ll make me mad/Don’t forget how many your mother had.”) We also often indicate we are teasing by going off-record with nonverbal gestures: elongated vowels and exaggerated pitch, mock expressions and the iconic wink, well-timed laughs and expressive caricatures. A whiny friend might be teased with a high-pitched imitation or a daughter might mock her obtuse father by mimicking his low-pitched voice. Preteens, sharp-tongued jesters that they are, tease their parents with exaggerated facial expressions of anger, disgust or fear, to satirize their guardians’ outdated moral indignation. Similarly, deadpan deliveries and asymmetrically raised eyebrows (Stephen Colbert), satirical smiles and edgy laughs (Jon Stewart) all signal that we don’t entirely mean what we say.
I think teasing is acceptable behavior as long as we define the difference between teasing and taunting (purposeful, hurtful comments). We need to make sure kids understand the difference between playful teasing and hurtful taunting so they can continue to use a very common type of humor, yet avoid bullying and the expression of disrespectful and insensitive behavior. Sharing this knowledge and practicing the skill will help them navigate the very powerful, difficult and fun concept of respectful humor.
The following excerpt from my book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression:
Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect (co-authored by Michael Dreiblatt and Karen Dreiblatt, Corwin Press) expresses how we at Balance Educational Services differentiate good humor and hurtful words.
Teasing is a playful use of humor that brings people together, lightens a mood, enhances a relationship, and makes people laugh. A funny person who can playfully tease is usually popular and able to maintain healthy friendships.
Playful teasing can be a good use of humor when it has the following qualities:
• It isn’t intended to hurt the other person.
• It’s funny in a lighthearted, clever, and gentle way; the comment lightens a mood.
• It’s stated in a tone of voice that is affectionate.
• It is mutual; meant to get both parties to laugh.
• It’s used to bring people closer together and make the relationship stronger.
• It maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved (nobody gets embarrassed or humiliated).
• The teasing can go back and forth—not limited to only one person being allowed to make the comments.
• It is only a small part of the activities between the people involved—teasing doesn’t define the whole relationship.
• It stops if someone becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• No one gets upset or wants revenge.
A person can also make others laugh by using humor inappropriately; this is when humor becomes hurtful taunting. When teasing is misused, purposefully or accidentally, problems tend to follow.
It is hurtful taunting when it has the following qualities:
• It is intended to upset another.
• It is one-sided—one person has a certain power and can make comments, but the other person cannot.
• It is mean, humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted.
• It is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target.
• It induces fear of further taunting or physical bullying.
• It continues even when the targeted person becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• It uses an angry, snide, or sarcastic tone of voice.
• Bystanders laugh, but not the target(s) of the comment.
• Aggressive body language is used—smirking, rolling eyes, raised hip, shaking head back and forth.
After articulating the difference between teasing and taunting (or whatever words is common to your culture) to kids, help them understand the concept by offering short scenarios in which they have to determine if the interchange between the characters is playful or hurtful. For example:
Bart asked people to stop calling him ‘Bart the Fart.’ Now they call him ‘Fathead Farty.’
1. Today teasing has been all but banished from the lives of many children. In recent years, high-profile school shootings and teenage suicides have inspired a wave of “zero tolerance” movements in our schools. Accused teasers are now made to utter their teases in front of the class, under the stern eye of teachers. Children are given detention for sarcastic comments on the playground. Schools are decreed “teasing free.”
2. The reason teasing is viewed as inherently damaging is that it is too often confused with bullying. But bullying is something different; it’s aggression, pure and simple. Bullies steal, punch, kick, harass and humiliate. Sexual harassers grope, leer and make crude, often threatening passes. They’re pretty ineffectual flirts. By contrast, teasing is a mode of play, no doubt with a sharp edge, in which we provoke to negotiate life’s ambiguities and conflicts. And it is essential to making us fully human.
3. Teasing is just such an act of off-record communication: provocative commentary is shrouded in linguistic acts called “off-record markers” that suggest the commentary should not be taken literally. At the same time, teasing isn’t just goofing around. We tease to test bonds, and also to create them. To make it clear when we’re teasing, we use fleeting linguistic acts like alliteration, repetition, rhyming and, above all, exaggeration to signal that we don’t mean precisely what we’re saying. (“Playing the dozens,” a kind of ritualized teasing common in the inner city that is considered a precursor to rap, involves just this sort of rhyming: “Don’t talk about my mother ’cause you’ll make me mad/Don’t forget how many your mother had.”) We also often indicate we are teasing by going off-record with nonverbal gestures: elongated vowels and exaggerated pitch, mock expressions and the iconic wink, well-timed laughs and expressive caricatures. A whiny friend might be teased with a high-pitched imitation or a daughter might mock her obtuse father by mimicking his low-pitched voice. Preteens, sharp-tongued jesters that they are, tease their parents with exaggerated facial expressions of anger, disgust or fear, to satirize their guardians’ outdated moral indignation. Similarly, deadpan deliveries and asymmetrically raised eyebrows (Stephen Colbert), satirical smiles and edgy laughs (Jon Stewart) all signal that we don’t entirely mean what we say.
I think teasing is acceptable behavior as long as we define the difference between teasing and taunting (purposeful, hurtful comments). We need to make sure kids understand the difference between playful teasing and hurtful taunting so they can continue to use a very common type of humor, yet avoid bullying and the expression of disrespectful and insensitive behavior. Sharing this knowledge and practicing the skill will help them navigate the very powerful, difficult and fun concept of respectful humor.
The following excerpt from my book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression:
Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect (co-authored by Michael Dreiblatt and Karen Dreiblatt, Corwin Press) expresses how we at Balance Educational Services differentiate good humor and hurtful words.
Teasing is a playful use of humor that brings people together, lightens a mood, enhances a relationship, and makes people laugh. A funny person who can playfully tease is usually popular and able to maintain healthy friendships.
Playful teasing can be a good use of humor when it has the following qualities:
• It isn’t intended to hurt the other person.
• It’s funny in a lighthearted, clever, and gentle way; the comment lightens a mood.
• It’s stated in a tone of voice that is affectionate.
• It is mutual; meant to get both parties to laugh.
• It’s used to bring people closer together and make the relationship stronger.
• It maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved (nobody gets embarrassed or humiliated).
• The teasing can go back and forth—not limited to only one person being allowed to make the comments.
• It is only a small part of the activities between the people involved—teasing doesn’t define the whole relationship.
• It stops if someone becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• No one gets upset or wants revenge.
A person can also make others laugh by using humor inappropriately; this is when humor becomes hurtful taunting. When teasing is misused, purposefully or accidentally, problems tend to follow.
It is hurtful taunting when it has the following qualities:
• It is intended to upset another.
• It is one-sided—one person has a certain power and can make comments, but the other person cannot.
• It is mean, humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted.
• It is meant to diminish the self-worth of the target.
• It induces fear of further taunting or physical bullying.
• It continues even when the targeted person becomes upset or objects to the comments.
• It uses an angry, snide, or sarcastic tone of voice.
• Bystanders laugh, but not the target(s) of the comment.
• Aggressive body language is used—smirking, rolling eyes, raised hip, shaking head back and forth.
After articulating the difference between teasing and taunting (or whatever words is common to your culture) to kids, help them understand the concept by offering short scenarios in which they have to determine if the interchange between the characters is playful or hurtful. For example:
‘As a new student, Bart was still trying to fit in and make friends. At lunch, someone slid a whoopee cushion on Bart’s seat. It made a farting sound when he sat down.
The other kids started calling Bart ‘Bart the Fart.’
Bart asked people to stop calling him ‘Bart the Fart.’ Now they call him ‘Fathead Farty.’
Bart is miserable.’
No one should tease another if they don’t know them well, don’t get along with them, or know they do not like being teased. To do so under those conditions would be taunting. Discuss with your kids or students what topics should never be teased about, such as a person’s religion, body type, etc. to limit hurtful behavior.
Good humor is very difficult to master and instead of prohibiting teasing, which I do not think is practical, I prefer teaching kids to understand what teasing is, to use it appropriately and when to refrain. These lessons will prepare them for the real world, inside and outside of school. Mistakes will still be made and some kids will test the boundaries so adults should be prepared to express respectful reminders and logical consequences that reduce these ‘mistakes.’
I know not every educator agrees with me, so please, share your thoughts.
Steve
Good humor is very difficult to master and instead of prohibiting teasing, which I do not think is practical, I prefer teaching kids to understand what teasing is, to use it appropriately and when to refrain. These lessons will prepare them for the real world, inside and outside of school. Mistakes will still be made and some kids will test the boundaries so adults should be prepared to express respectful reminders and logical consequences that reduce these ‘mistakes.’
I know not every educator agrees with me, so please, share your thoughts.
Steve
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