Standing Up to a Bully

If your child is verbally bullied, teach him or her how to respond effectively. Discuss the following strategies with your child. Practicing the strategies with you or another trusted adult will help develop the confidence to end the bullying. If the bullying is happening at school, speak to your child's classroom teacher or advisor so they can help.

Ignore the Bully
Teach your child to ignore the bully. Your child should not make faces, cry, sigh, or make any gesture signaling distress. Often, when bullies don't get a reaction, they stop.

Walk Away
Your child can choose to walk away in a confident manner - head up, back straight and with a normal walking pace. Your child needs to be aware of being followed and walk to a safer place, usually near adults. If the bully says mean things, continue to ignore and walk away.

Tell the Bully to "Stop"

Keeping a distance of 1½ to 2 arm lengths, have your child say, "Stop!" or, "Cut it out!" Teach your child to:
Make eye contact.
Express confident body language; head up, back straight, arms down in front or on the side of the body and feet at shoulder width. No fidgeting!
Speak clearly - a steady tone, not too loud, too soft, whiny or sarcastic.
Make short statements such as, "Stop!" or "Cut it out!"
Then turn and walk away.

Go to a Trusted Adult

When other strategies fail, or there is immediate danger, tell your child to go to a trusted adult. This is not tattling; this is requesting assistance with a serious problem.

©2008 http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=4cd8vqcab.0.0.jt48c7bab.0&ts=S0361&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.balanceeducationalservices.com%2F&id=preview Permission is granted to use this article.

How to respond if you're in a cyber-fight

Email or IM the following:

"I really don't want to talk about this online."
"I think it's easier to talk about this over the phone or in person."
"Can I call you right now? (or, "Can we talk tomorrow at school at [suggested time]?").
If the other person continues the fight, log off.
What to do if you are being cyber-bullied
People who cyber bully do so because it makes them feel powerful. Anything you can do to give the impression that you are not bothered will make it less satisfying for the cyber-bully. For example:
Turn off your computer or cell phone -- Being ignored gets boring for the bully.

Block mean messages -- 71% of teens think that blocking abusive messages is the most effeective way to prevent cyber-bullying. ISPs, email programs and social network programs have information about blocking messages.

Don't respond or cyber-bully back -- You don't have to be a doormat, but don't be provoked into retaliating because that is exactly what the bully wants. Don't play their game!

Talk to an adult you trust -- Let them know what you need them to do (and not do) to put a stop to the bullying. It's also a good idea to try and tell the people that you live with. Being bullied can cause changes in your behavior that will worry them. If they know what's going on, they'll be more understanding.

Print it out or save it -- If you're receiving bullying messages of any kind, print them out or save them. You, and the adults in your life, may want the evidence if you ever decide to take action against a cyber-bully.

Address your feelings -- Being bullied can feel really bad. Talk to a friend or trusted adult, write out your feelings in a journal, express your feelings through art, music or creative writing.

Participate in activities that you are good at and make you feel good -- Being bullied is upsetting. Being involved in activities you enjoy can help cancel out the way the cyber-bully makes you feel.

Post how you respond to a cyber-fight.

Remember to go to www.BalanceEducationalSevices.com for more bullying prevention ideas.

What will I learn?

Learn fun and interactive lesson plans that teach pro-social behaviors and fulfill State education requirements.

Attendees will learn how to:

* Create a 'same page' understanding of bullying, social aggression and harassment throughout the school

* Teach all staff an easy 4-Step response to stop bullying quickly

* Implement consequences that replace bullying with pro-social behavior

* Teach targets of bullying how to stand up to a bully safely and effectively

* Teach student bystanders to stop others from bullying

* Recognize the dynamics of social aggression

* Apply practical strategies to confront social aggression and cyber bullying

What Students Need to Know About Cyber Bullying

Cyber bullying is intentional wrongdoing and the cyber bully can be held responsible by a court of law under the following circumstances:
-Publishing a false statement about another which is damaging to their reputation
-Publicly disclosing a private fact about another
-Breaking into someone's account
-Purposely causing someone emotional distress

The following actions may be considered criminal, regardless if it happens online or directly:
-Making threats of violence to people or their property
-Trying to force someone to do something he or she doesn't want to do
-Sending obscene or harassing text messages, emails, pictures, telephone calls, etc.
-Harassment or stalking
-Creating or sending sexually explicit images of teens (considered child pornography even if sent by another child)
-Taking a photo of someone in place where privacy is expected (locker room, bathroom, etc.)

(c) 2009 http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=4enbmwcab.0.0.jt48c7bab.0&ts=S0385&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.balanceeducationalservices.com%2F&id=preview
Permission is granted to use this article with full credit.

For more information and other bully prevention strategies, contact Balance Educational Services at 1-802-362-5448 info@BalanceEducationalServices.com

Is Your Camp Staff Really Prepared to Stop Bullying???

It's that time of year... when parents are preparing to send 10 million of their children to summer camp. 1 in 5 American kids will be away from home this summer, facing everything from bug bites to bullying in the cabin.
That's right. Bullying - from gossiping, name-calling, and shunning to punching, hitting, and physical intimidation - isn't reserved for the schoolyard. It's a growing problem for summer camp directors, camp counselors, and the parents of their campers.

There is something camps can do about bullying. Mike Dreiblatt uses interactive techniques - such as role-playing and lots of audience participation - to help camp counselors and staff find the most effective ways to recognize, prevent, and stop bullying from "day one".
Why is bullying important right now? With an increase in bullying awareness, parents are anxious about sending their kids far away from home. They know that bullying not only undermines a child's self-worth but also makes the target feel intimidated, threatened, unsupported, and unsafe (physically and emotionally).
With a downturn in the economy, parents are also weighing how they spend money. The result? Parents wonder whether it's worth footing a summer camp's hefty bill.
Here's the good news! Camps that offer bullying prevention training reassure worried parents and campers that they are able to nip the problem in the bud. When campers have safe and happy times away from home, they thrive. When the summer camping experience is positive, camp reputations are strengthened, enrollments increase, and existing campers return year after year.
Balance Educational Services, a Manchester Center, Vermont-based consulting and training company, has provided custom-designed student presentations, staff workshops, and parent workshops to school systems and summer camps across the country. Its goal is to teach people how to recognize and minimize bullying and other forms of anti-social behavior in children and supervising adults.

Movie: An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong -- My thoughts

I recently viewed the movie An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong. It’s about a fourth grader and her friends who deal with bullying from a more popular girl in their class. I recommend it for kids between 2nd and 5th grade. Older kids might enjoy it, too, and I’m sure can relate to some of the bullying issues and how easily some adults just ‘miss’ the aggressive behaviors that is right in front of their face. Children, parents and educators can all learn good bully prevention strategies which is the strong point of this movie.

The bullying was realistic and showed examples of physical, verbal, social and cyber bullying. Some of the bullying was more sophisticated than average 4th graders might express, but then again, some bullies are way above average. Chrissa, the main victim, and other victims were typical 4th grade girls who, realistically, didn’t know how to deal with the situation. The bullying continued until situations had risen to a level whereby parents and teachers had to be involved. Often, the kids themselves made some very good choices, too, to stop the bullying.

The adults didn’t handle the situations very well at first. For instance, trying to find out who the main culprit was in a given situation, the principal and classroom teacher asked the students for information while all the students - victims, aggressors, and bystanders - were all together. Of course, no one was willing to risk speaking up. Separate discussions would be much more effective. Also, some of the consequences imparted on the aggressors had nothing to do with the bullying. I would have liked to see consequences that would teach pro-social behaviors and empathy instead of suspension and ‘towel clean-up’ that had nothing to do with the offense. Changing behavior and/or teaching replacement skills is a lot more effective in stopping a bully from bullying again. Of course, if the adults had taught all the students how to react to bullying before bullying began, and/or had ‘nipped’ the bullying in the bud before it got severe, this would have been a very short movie.

The movie accurately expressed how confusing a bullying situation can be for any young child. Without information and strategies to deal with bullying, the children in this movie used trial and error solutions such as hiding in toilet stalls, staying home from school, and avoiding after school activities. They were also hesitant to talk to adults. Fortunately, it addressed these realistic responses with ultimately having the children learn that talking to an adult is not tattling, but asking for help. Ultimately, the adults were very helpful. To move the story along, the writer had them be somewhat clueless and naïve at first, but they were always supportive and came through in the end to help the victims.

The movie is enjoyable to watch and many youngsters will be able to relate to the storyline. I recommend the movie as an opportunity to discuss bullying with children and strategies they can implement if they are bullied or witness bullying. In real life, we want kids and adults to know how to stop bullying before it becomes an abusive situation that last for weeks. At the risk of being self-serving, using the lessons and activities in our book How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression would help children learn the skills the characters in the movie would have appreciated, such as how to stand up to a bully, how to stop a peer from bullying another, and how to determine when talking to an adult is telling and not tattling.

Check out the table of contents of our book to get idea of what skills kids need to develop to stop bullying. Or, for sample lessons go to http://balanceeducationalservices.com/resources.html

If you saw the movie, share your thoughts.

Steve

Radio Interview Posted

Happy New Year everyone!

We have a new 20 minute radio interview posted to our website. It’s a clear, concise and interesting (even if I say so myself) interview by veteran radio man Rich Ryder of WBTN in Vermont, USA. On our "media page" click on the link under "Hear Mike and Steve" that reads "Radio Interview - WBTN."

Feel free to share the interview with any friends, or friends who have children or students, who are having issues with bullying.

We wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2009

Steve

Boy Breaks Gender Barrier to Compete at Apollo Theater

Today's online version of the NY Times features of video of ZeAndre Orr, a Brownsville 5th grader at P.S 323, who weathered physical bullying and verbal harassment to follow his heart and join his school's double dutch jump rope team. Double dutch jump rope has long been a largely female sport and ZeAndre is one of only two male jumpers on his school's team.

Name calling, pushing, shoving, and tripping followed ZeAndre's decision to join the team. At one point, he was kicked down a flight of stairs. Although ZeAndre did consider quiting to avoid the bullying and harassment, he persisted in his dedication to the sport. ZeAndre was rewarded for his efforts with admittance into the annual Holiday Classic Double Dutch Competition at the famed Apollo Theater, one of the largest double dutch competitions in the country. Only the best jumpers from P.S. 323 were chosen to represent their school at the competition.

I really admire ZeAndre for not allowing others to keep him from participating in his chosen activity. As educators, we try to encourage children to find an activity they truly enjoy and pursue it with passion. It isn't easy to do this when there is community prejudice or a lack of support. Back when I was growing up, girls who wanted to participate in "boy" sports, such as soccer or baseball, were regularly taunted. Whether you are a girl breaking into a "boy " sport, or a boy breaking into a "girl" sport, the road to admittance is a tough one.

Of course, sports are not the only activities children can pursue. Art, music, writing, hiking, and woodcraft are just some of the additional possibilities. For ways to encourage your child to find their own niche, check the parent and student links on our Resources Page, have your school book a Parenting a Well Rounded Child workshop, or see our book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect.

To see the video about ZeAndre Orr, click here:
http://video.nytimes.com/video/2008/12/18/nyregion/1194835807850/brooklyns-jazzy-jumpers.html?th&emc=th.

Do you, your child or someone you know have experience in breaking gender boundaries? I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Karen

YouTube’s Abuse and Safety Center

Cyber bullying began with abusive text messaging, emails and websites. Then it carried over to social networks sites and videos transmitted over cell phones. Videos uploaded to YouTube have become another way to bully.

ISPs (internet service providers), cell phone carriers, social networks sites, and now YouTube have rules against such behavior, but these rules are rarely enforced. Still, the companies which provide the means for cyber bullying are, apparently, trying to take enforcement to the next level. Or so they publicize.

I read an article stating that YouTube, in its desire to be a safe and more appealing destination, has created a section on its site called the Abuse and Safety Center. The section offers information, reporting mechanisms, and resources for privacy and safety issues, including cyber bullying, hateful content and spam.

These providers create the means for reporting and stopping bullying. But users have to take advantage of it. Has anyone found that reporting cyber bullying to an ISP, social network or YouTube has helped stop cyber bullying? Did the service providers respond effectively? Did it empower the victims (targets) of the bullying? I’d like to share your stories on this blog and in our bully prevention presentations to students, educators and parents.

Send us your stories.
Steve

Cyber Bullying Case Law is Limited, But Consider Civil and Criminal Laws

Educators and administrators often ask us about case law regarding cyber bullying to help guide them in policy and procedure. As far as I know, and I research it daily, case law is limited. One law suit, now in progress, is slowly developing (read article: Evidence of Megan Meier's death will be permitted in Lori Drew's cyber-bullying trial)

Regardless of case law, school personnel need to respond if a student harasses or bullies another student(s) using the school computer/internet system. A school also needs to be involved even if the cyber bullying was initiated off campus, but interrupts learning on campus. This is referred to as an off-campus/on-campus nexus.

A real challenge for administrators and teachers is when one student bullies another student online, but there is no connection to school computer use or an on-campus/off-campus nexus. They struggle when confronted by a parent of a student who is being bullied by another student at the school. Simply put, a distressed parent does not want to hear “The bully didn’t use a school computer, there is no nexus and therefore there is nothing we can do or required to do.”

In such situations, we do have some recommendations. First, we believe all schools should be preemptive and should teach all students, staff and parents about the different types of bullying, how to address it as a target, bystander, or parent, and consequences of bullying. This won’t stop all bullying from occurring, but can limit its affects.

Also, when necessary, and as appropriate, share the following information, which I have cut and paste from a document titled Educator’s Guide to Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats by Nancy Willard, M.S., J.D. Note that this is not legal advice, but information to consider.

Civil Litigation
When should parents of a target consider civil litigation against the bully and parents of the
bully?

Civil laws provide the ability for cyberbully victims to sue the bully and the bully’s parents to recover financial damages for injuries or require actions, such as removal of material and discontinuation of cyberbullying. Some cyberbullying activities meet the standards for what is called an intentional “tort” (wrongdoing).

In many jurisdictions, there are parental liability laws that allow someone who is intentionally injured by a minor to hold the parents of that minor financially responsible. Parents can also be found negligent in failing to provide reasonable supervision of their child. If a school official notifies parents that their child is cyberbullying another and the cyberbullying continues, this can provide an enhanced ability to hold the parent’s financially liable. Informing the parents of the cyberbully about this potential is likely the strongest “motivation” school officials can use to ensure that the cyberbullying stops.

Depending on the facts, the following legal actions might be possible:
• Defamation. Someone publishes a false statement about a person that damages his or her reputation.
• Invasion of privacy/public disclosure of a private fact. Someone publicly discloses a
private fact about a person under conditions that would be highly offensive to a reasonable person.
• Invasion of personal privacy/false light. Publicly disclosing information that places an individual in a false light.
• Intentional infliction of emotional distress. Someone’s intentional actions are outrageous and intolerable and have caused extreme distress.

An attorney can send a letter to the bully’s parents and seek informal resolution or file a lawsuit.

Criminal Law
When should a school contact, or assist a parent in contacting, law enforcement officials?

Extremely harmful online speech can violate criminal laws. The following kinds of speech can lead to arrest and prosecution:
• Making threats of violence to people or their property.
• Engaging in coercion (trying to force someone to do something he or she doesn’t want to do).
• Making obscene or harassing telephone calls (this includes text messaging).
• Harassment or stalking.
• Hate or bias crimes.
• Creating or sending sexually explicit images of teens (this is child pornography).
• Sexual exploitation.
• Taking a photo of someone in place where privacy is expected (like a locker room)

At Balance Educational Services, we teach students, staff and parents how to avoid on-going bullying, and hope that a situation never gets so severe that law enforcement has to be involved. However, educating people that bullying or harassing someone online may lead to legal liability can be a good deterrent to a bully and/or motivate the parents of a cyberbully to provide more supervision.

If anyone is familiar with case law regarding cyberbullying, please let us know.
Thanks.

Steve

Anti-bullying laws--help or hinder

Last month, we at www.BalanceEducationalServices.com, sent a newsletter to some of our readers concerning their states' bullying laws. One of our readers, a principal, commented about a proposed anti-bullying law.

Our reader stated "...Please realize that school personnel are working as hard as possible to deal with the problem in schools. There is nothing a law can do other than to create more paperwork and red tape, thus reducing the time that educators are able to actually work with kids. Probably the biggest help that a legislature could offer for this problem would be a law regulating kids' access to media offerings that model bullying behaviors. But the law that was proposed in Massachusetts simply added more requirements for schools to write and file reports about anti-bullying plans, thus adding yet another layer of paperwork and reducing the time I can spend actually working with kids and teachers."

I commented back thanking her for her insightful comments and I have thought about what she wrote. She was right that a law which creates more paperwork and red tape and takes away valuable teaching time would be counterproductive. On the other hand, a law that requires staff to intervene or report bullying to a higher authority when witnessed, would go a long way in lessening incidents of bullying. A law that requires staff to be appropriately trained in bully prevention techniques would be even more beneficial. At times it may feel unnecessary to have a law requiring such common sense actions as having staff intervene or be appropriately trained to stop inappropriate behavior. Unfortunately, too may staff members are not responding to bullying in an effective way, mostly due to lack of training. It is equally unfortunate that many schools and school districts would not provide appropriate training for their staff unless prompted to by law. Another layer of paperwork doesn’t help anyone. Another layer of training, especially for our paraprofessionals, aides, and bus drivers, the ones who are more likely to witness bullying, is invaluable.

I thanked her for her insightful comments. And thanked her for the good work she and her staff do on behalf of students.

What did you think about anti-bullying laws? Help or hinder? Post your comments now. Mike

Teaching Your Kids How to Respond to a Bully

Mike and I present bully prevention workshops for parents throughout the country. We provide best practices that are effective, safe and empowering. Our experience has been that when it comes to their kids getting bullied, most parents understand that a physical response or verbal comeback does more harm than good.

Of course, they want to know what to suggest to their child to stop the bullying while maintaining safety and self-esteem. Many parents are familiar with suggestions such as ignore verbal taunts, walk away when someone is bothering you and telling the bully, “Stop.” They ask if these are valid strategies.

The answer is yes, they are effective strategies -- when done correctly. The key to success is the details and practice. We teach the detail of these strategies through role-playing (very effective and a lot of fun for Mike as he gets to bully me).

When I role-play ignoring or walking away from Mike the Bully, I do it without showing emotion or gesturing in any manner that will reinforce him. My style expresses confidence and a refusal to get caught in his trap. I show the audience how to “be boring” so the bully just gives up. Simply put, I’m no fun to bully.

And when I choose to tell the bully to “Stop” or “Cut it out,” I keep a distance of 1.5 - 2 arm lengths while making eye contact and using strong body language and tone of voice. Strong body language means my head is up, my back straight and my hands are by my sides or down in front. I limit any extra movement in my body, head and eyes. My tone of voice is controlled, yet neutral; it expresses seriousness and confidence.

Although the suggestions aren’t necessarily new to our audience, our “show” demonstrates the details of these strategies and parents literally see the importance of role-playing bullying scenarios with their child in a safe environment. Role-playing is vital for children to be confident that when they are in an actual bullying situation, and there is real emotion involved, they can respond effectively to stop the bullying.

Ultimately, audience members say, “This is great stuff! I’ve been writing notes on your handouts, but do you have those details in a book?” In the past, we’d respond, “We’re working on it.” As most of our readers know, our book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression, is now available. Although written for educators, each lesson and activity can be taught, discussed and practiced at home between parent and child(ren). Chapter 5, Teaching Assertiveness and Chapter 6, Responding to a Bully, detail these strategies in an easy to read manner with fun activities to practice.

Thanks for asking and as always, we look forward to your feedback.

Steve
For more information on how to prevent bullying, visit the bullying experts at http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/index.html.

Schools, Cell Phones and Cyber-Bullying

Many schools struggle with policy regarding the use of cell phones by students. Concerns range from using it during teaching time, cheating on tests and cyber-bullying. Some students and parents claim it is important for them to have cell phones to contact parents. The bottom line is the almost everyone has a cell phone these days. Presently, many schools are reconsidering their ‘no cell phones’ policy. (At least) one high school in VT said they have bigger issues to deal with than to fight a losing battle in regard to banning cell phones. The school administration has decided that students will be allowed to have them, but it will be confiscated if used at inappropriate times. Click here to read the article entitled “MAU to allow cell phones; admits enforcement failure.”

This decision was hotly debated at a school board meeting. Overall, board members would prefer no cell phones in school, but accept that the new policy was realistic and made sense. Of course, there was some dissent. One board member said “I hope (parents) would say, 'Don't bring your God damn cell phones to school,'" He also added that he does not own a cell phone and never will.

In my opinion this person is out of touch with millions of teens, tweens and adults. Cell phones are a part of the culture and some variation of them will continue for the foreseeable future. Banning cell phones just won’t work, as this school has indicated. Students will find a way to have and use them during the school day. And if they use it ‘under the radar,” there is an even greater chance they will use it inappropriately.

I think schools need to deal with reality. Teaching students how and when to use their phones respectfully is a skill they will need throughout their lives, especially in the workplace. School staff have an opportunity they need to take advantage of. With student input, staff can and should create logical cell phone usage rules and consequences that can be respected by all. Like it or not, schools have to deal with the issue and need to work with the culture. It’s a great opportunity to teach our young people cultural rules and respect.

Steve
For more strategies to teach proper use of cell phones in school, contact me at Steve@BalanceEducationalServices.com

How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression Top Rated

We just received an update from our publisher Corwin Press; our book received top rankings as one of the most viewed books in August! How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Grade Lessons and Activites That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect encourages respectful, positive-social behavior in all students! A user-friendly resource that offers fun and meaningful interactive lessons and activities that support student safety and well-being, promote healthy social-emotional development, and improve academic achievement, the book includes:

• Step-by-step guidelines for each activity
• Sidebars, sample scripts, and icons that hightlight important information
• A supply list of common classroom items for quick and easy implementation
• Suggestions for enhancing lessons

Want to learn more? Visit http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/.

Preventing Massacres through Bully Prevention

Bullying Leads to Massacres is an article discussing human’s innate desire for revenge when they feel wronged. In his book, Beyond Revenge, researcher Michael McCullough discusses how people who have been chronically bullied can go to extremes in their revenge with a shooting rampage. He discusses that this action does not necessarily indicate mental illness.

McCullough discusses how, in general, a breakdown of law and order can lead to hurtful behaviors that create a revenge factor for those who feel wronged. Bullying in school or the workplace, when allowed to fester, is also a breakdown of law and order. McCullough goes on to discuss solutions, of which many have to be implemented. I like to focus on solutions, too.

Stopping bullying and social aggression in school takes the efforts of all people involved – student, staff and parents. It begins with leadership. School leaders need to make sure that bully prevention strategies go beyond the rhetoric of “No Bullying.” A good beginning is to make sure all are on the same page of what bullying is and what behaviors are considered bullying.

Bullying is when a person or group uses their power to intimidate or hurt another. Bullying can be expressed physically, verbally, socially and technologically (cyber bullying). All types of bullying are damaging and must be stopped. Not all people are aware of these definitions and descriptions. Depending on gender, age, area of upbringing (city, suburban, rural), experience with bullying, experience with domestic violence, etc. can influence how a person interprets these behaviors. What is “no big deal” to one person can be devastating to another. It is vital that school leaders make sure all students, parents and staff (administrators, teachers, bus drivers, janitors, counselors, nurses, volunteers, etc.) know what bullying is and their responsibility if they witness or know about bullying.

Staff needs to know how to respond if they witness or hear about bullying. Students need to know how to stop their peers from bullying and, if necessary, when to report it. Parents need to know the signs if their child is bullied or bullies and how to work with the school to make sure their child is safe and treats others respectfully. Discussion, lesson plans and workshops discussing these issues are vital and fulfill education guidelines. In some states, it is required by law. Ultimately they increase academic success.

Getting everyone on the same page is a vital aspect to stop bullying. Recognizing and stopping bullying leads to understanding community expectations and moral obligations. Unfortunately, it is not an exaggeration to say that when people allow others to hurt and abuse others, it comes back to haunt us all. Fortunately, a school massacre is rare, but the negative effects of allowing others to be hurt, hurts us all.

If all involved parties do their part to stop bullying, perhaps we can prevent another school massacre,

There are lots of bully prevention ideas. We’d like to hear some of yours.
Steve

In Texas School, Teachers Carry Books and Guns

I was reading The New York Times, August 29th edition, and came across an article discussing the decision by the school board in Harrold, Texas to allow teachers to carry concealed weapons in school. Here is the link so you can read it too: In Texas School, Teachers Carry Books and Guns

I do not think this is a wise decision by the Board for several reasons.

In general, more guns in schools mean more opportunity for something to go wrong and end in tragedy, even if the teacher is well trained in gun safety.

Also, this decision, while well meaning, doesn’t get to the facts of school shootings or the situation in Harrold, Texas. Although Superintendent David Thweatt expresses concern over the possibility of a drifter becoming a school shooter, school shootings are rarely committed by random drifters. The vast majority of school shootings fall into two main groups; gang related shootings and Columbine-type shootings. Gang related shootings are self-explanatory, Columbine-type shootings are committed by students who have been bullied, often in socially stratified schools with winner/loser cultures, where long-term bullying exists. Were this is the case in Harrold, Texas, it would be wiser for the administration to work on the school climate and develop effective bully prevention procedures that staff can easily enforce.

I was also concerned by the apparent lack of community input into the decision. An important decision such as this needs a strong community backing or should not be done at all.

What do you think? Post your opinion. Mike

Michael Phelps, his Mom and Dealing with Bullies

As a bully prevention expert, I help teach kids to stop bullying other kids. There is no one bully prevention strategy – there are many effective approaches. Some focus on helping targets of bullying be less of a target.

I thought about this as I read stories about how Olympic champ Michael Phelps was bullied as a child. I appreciate how his mother, Debbie Phelps, focused on solutions to help her son, not the problem. Young Michael was bullied because of his looks and behavior. He was diagnosed with ADHD; couldn’t sit still, focus or be quiet. His mother stated, “he also grew unevenly; his arms were unusually long and made him a target of hurtful, insulting bullying.” Because of these struggles, Phelps described himself as, “quiet, introspective and angry growing up, deeply hurt of being bullied by other children.”

Ms. Phelps couldn’t undo her son’s ADHD, or his body type, so she focused on what she could do. She worked with his teachers to make sure they figured out ways to teach Michael successfully. She had him take Ritalin to treat his hyperactivity, and although there was some success with it, she took him off it when he requested – thus respecting and empowering him. She helped him study and when necessary, found tutors. And she found something he was good at and loved – swimming.

These actions helped Michael develop self-esteem and resiliency. But still, for a while, the bullying continued. "He got a hard time about being a swimmer and not a football or lacrosse player," said one high-school classmate. However, mother and son turned the challenge into a strength. "The bullying and adversity made him be stronger and work harder," his mother is quoted.

Michaels story should not make us think that being bullied is advantageous because it toughens a kid up or will turn targets into champions. That is faulty logic with no basis in fact. However, it does show that there are many strategies parents can use when their child is bullied. Addressing challenges proactively can lead to stopping the bullying and developing a child with resiliency and good self-esteem.

If your child is being bullied:

· Work with your child’s teachers to make sure your child is safe, physically and emotionally. Discuss how you want them to respond if they witness hurtful behavior by other children. Also, let them know how you want them to respond if your child acts inappropriately

· With your child, determine where it is safe to be, in school and out, where they won’t be bullied or mistreated.

· Discuss the qualities they want in friends and how to respond if friends do not treat them respectfully.

· Together, work on developing social skills that will be appreciated by their peers.

· Help your child determine their interest in activities and hobbies such as sports, music, theater, computer games, and crafts. Help your child get together with others who are interested in the same activities. As necessary, provide physical training to bring them up to a level that will be valued by their peers.

· Discuss how to respond, effectively yet non-violently, if someone does or says something that is abusive or hurtful.

· Talk about when to go to you or another trusted adult if the bullying continues. Also, discuss the difference between tattling and telling (it is not tattling if they are getting help for a situation they tried to resolve or found to be too dangerous).

- Steve

I’m interested in hearing your ideas about helping targets of bullying deal with the challenge. Post here or email me at Steve@BalanceEducationalServices.com

School Shooting in Tennessee on August 21, 2008

It is the beginning of the school year and all too soon there has been a school shooting - an incident in Knoxville, TN on August 21, 2008. The news out of Knoxville is somewhat unique. Research indicates that “In… more than . . . two-thirds of 37 shootings, the attackers felt ‘persecuted, bullied, threatened, attacked, or injured by others,’ and that revenge was an underlying motive” (Lyznicki, McCaffree, & Robinowitz, 2004). Yet news reports indicate that in this case, the victim, Ryan McDonald, is the one who had been bullied. Ryan had alopecia, a condition that left him bald since he was 3 and the target of endless teasing as a child.

If it is true that Ryan had been teased for 12 years it was just a matter of time until something tragic occurred. The ramifications of being chronically bullied include depression, anxiety, eating and sleeping disorders, self-mutilation, alcohol and drug abuse, violence and suicide. Students who exhibit long-term bullying behavior are also at great risk of dangerous behaviors.

For these and other ethical considerations, most states have laws that address bullying in school. While some of these laws are still a work in progress, the laws are a great first step. But these laws need to be followed up with training for all school staff that includes practical strategies to keep all students safe; physically and emotionally, and maintain an effective academic environment.

One effective strategy is training staff in a carefully designed four-step response to any student(s) bullying another. This response takes between 10-30 seconds and is designed to “nip bullying in the bud.” In other words, stopping bullying, social aggression and other hurtful behavior before the situation becomes chronic and a tragedy occurs. Confidence in using this 4-step response can go a long way in fulfilling goals of bully prevention laws as well as educational requirements about teaching students respect and citizenship.

First, all staff need to know what specific behaviors they are required to address, i.e. examples of physical, verbal, cyber bullying and social aggression.

When staff see or hear bullying and other hurtful behavior, they need to:
1. Stop the bullying behavior
2. Identify the specific behavior that is hurtful and unacceptable
3. Remind the student of the school’s expectation
4. Remind the student of the behavioral expectation (a replacement behavior, as appropriate).

For example, if a staff member heard a student belittling another student, the staff can state, in an authoritative yet respectful tone, the following:
1. Stop talking right now.
2. The way you were talking was insulting.
3. In this school, we don’t talk to people in a mean way.
4. When you talk to someone, say positive things. Do you understand? Good, let’s get to class.

Granted, this strategy won’t solve every problem, and staff needs to know how to respond if a student continues to be hurtful. However, most students do respond to strong, responsible leadership by adults and will comply.

There is no one solution to stop all bullying, but a consistent response from staff members will create a school culture where all students know that hurtful behavior will not be tolerated. When no one accepts 12 years of merciless teasing, perhaps we can prevent such tragedies from recurring. For more information on how to prevent bullying, visit the bullying experts at http://www.balanceeducationalservices.com/.

Our New Book Is Now Available!

Our new book, How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression: Elementary Grade Lessons That Teach Empathy, Friendship and Respect, has hit the shelves of bookstores and has gotten great reviews. Take a look at what noted authors James Garbarino (And Words Can Hurt Forever & Lost Boys), Cheryl Delasega (Surviving Ophelia, Girl Wars, & Mean Girls Grown Up) and Alan Beane (The Bully Free Program) had to say:

“Once educators appreciate the psychological and social significance of bullying, harassment and emotional violence in school they are ready to translate that awareness into concrete actions to change the direction of social climate in the classroom, in the hallways, in the cafeteria, in the gym, and on the playground. This is where How to Stop Bullying and Social Aggression comes in. In it Breakstone and his colleagues offer a well grounded strategy and a series of tactical exercises designed to accomplish this critical mission. I recommend it!” James Garbarino, PhD, Director, Center for the Human Rights of Children at Loyola University Chicago and author of And Words Can Hurt Forever: How to Protect Adolescents from Bullying, Harassment, and Emotional Violence & Lost Boys: Why Our Sons Turn Violent & How We Can Save Them

“The founders of Balance Educational Services have provided a practical book packed with the kinds of anti-bullying strategies teachers, coaches, therapists, and kids regularly request. Rather than cite statistics and share stories, these authors hit the ground running by encouraging both adults and youth to take action. Every chapter is packed with tips on how to stay physically and emotionally safe when bullying occurs. Using a dynamic and interactive style, children are coached to practice assertive behaviors and avoid the victim role. The authors’ guide to understanding friendship qualities will help many children recognize more subtle and social forms of aggression. Throughout, realistic drawings offer additional clarification. Aimed at younger students, the numerous easy-to-implement activities involve appropriate humor, engagement of the group, and a clear approach to understanding and responding to bullying. Students can keep the lists of common conflict situations and assertive communication statements handy as prompts or for practice.” Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D., Professor, Department of Humanities, Penn State College of Medicine and Professor of Women's Studies at Penn State University, Founder of Club Ophelia and author of Surviving Ophelia, Girl Wars, & Mean Girls Grown Up

“This timely book includes perfectly sequenced, content enriched and practical lessons that will enhance any anti-bullying effort. The student-focused activities will facilitate and maintain learning of important anti-bullying concepts that can never be over emphasized.” Allan L. Beane, Ph.D., Founder and President, Bully Free Systems, LLC, and author of The Bully Free Program

Our new book will be here soon!

Our new book, How to Stop Bullying & Social Aggression: Elementary Grade Lessons and Activities That Teach Empathy, Friendship, and Respect, provides practical, solutions-oriented strategies to reduce bullying among children and adolescents. The book’s lessons and activities are easy-to-use, fun and interactive, and include a variety of scripts and other helpful tools that engage honest dialogues and teach pro-social skills that replace bullying and other hurtful behaviors. How to Stop Bullying & Social Aggression will be released on August 11, 2008.